To Love and Let Live
by shannanagin
Summary: Twenty years later and still on the island. The castaways learn how to cope with love, life, and death. SS, CC, SKJ. Updated 6.19.05.
1. Prologue

**Disclaimer: I do not own LOST.  
**

**To Love and Let Live **

**_Boone's Prologue_ **

The day of rescue never came. In the beginning it was so certain; rescue would come, we would be whisked off the fantastical island and thrown back into our dreary, mundane, hopeless lives. That's what we all wanted and prayed for, hoped for with every ounce of our beings. But the years slowly dripped by, the days stretching on endlessly, each seeming longer and more tedious than the last. And the hope ran out.

Michael never got his boat to work, despite three attempts to make it past the waves. One day he just gave up and started working on a shelter for him and Walt. Sayid eventually let the signal fire burn out. Kate stopped watching the horizon for hours on end each day. Jack stopped wondering what he was going to tell his mother when he got home. Charlie stopped telling people that he was in a band called DriveShaft. The day eventually came when he just didn't think about it, when suddenly it wasn't important anymore.

Claire stopped wishing that she could buy her son new baby clothes instead of the tattered rags that he wore over his thin body. My sister stopped talking about L.A. and new clothes the first time she referred to her shelter as "home." The word just slipped out and she barely even noticed.

The shelters scattered around the beach began to resemble communities as one by one they settled in with each other, made new families. Sayid cut a safer path from the beach to the caves and Sun's garden began producing new fruits and vegetables. With her help Jack began discovering new plants to use medicinally, new ways to keep people from getting sick.

The mysterious island monster had made fewer and fewer appearances over the years. Until one day someone noticed that it had been five years. No one heard the whispers anymore. Jack had been the last to hear them. Oddly enough, that was the day that he had decided to stop believing. That was the day they each began to feel safe in their new home.

Not that it was without dangers. Each year the numbers dropped. We had started with 48. After two years there were only 42. After five years there were 23. That's when everyone began to give up hope. When makeshift shelters suddenly became home. When Jack began to try and convince people that they needed to find a way to live on the island. Charlie began to joke about needing a new name. They weren't castaways any longer. And they had become more than survivors. He and Hurley began calling themselves the Pioneers, referring to the island as their own personal Oregon trail. That's when they began wondering if there had ever even been life beyond the island.

People still got sick and hurt though and sometimes there was nothing that Jack or Sun could do. The ever-growing cemetery was a daily reminder of that. Each name scratched out on makeshift wooden crosses telling a different story.

_Boone_. Yeah, that's right. I barely made it two months. From the second we stepped foot on that sand I had believed that I could make it through 'til the end. At least until the day of rescue. I was strong and for the first time in my life I would really be able to prove myself. But I was one of the first.

It all happened so fast. One minute I was running and the next… there was I standing above my body, above it all. And all I wanted to do was laugh. Because I finally understood. Everything was so clear. So simple.

I couldn't watch when Jack and Sayid broke the news to Shannon. I couldn't watch when she spent the next weeks crying herself to sleep, almost killing herself with hysterical asthma attacks. Sayid would hold her and comfort her and for the first time I was happy to see her in somebody else's arms.

The only regret is that I couldn't apologize. For anything and everything. But I think she knows. Sometimes I go to her and just watch her sleep, watch her play with her daughter. She is happy. And for me, that is enough.

There are others who have joined me.

_Johanna. Scott. Steve. Sawyer._ Sawyer survived five years. Long enough to see Kate give birth to their first son, James. Everyone had been shocked to see the change that came over him whenever that little boy was around. He would laugh and smile, make cooing noises over the child. Only Jack knew that Sawyer was sick. The headaches had never really gone away. And then one morning he just didn't wake up. Three days later Kate realized that she was pregnant again.

_Joseph._ Sayid and Shannon's second child. He died before he was able to take his first breath of air, almost killing his mother in the process. In fact… well, you'll see. Shannon could hardly stand to look at his lifeless body and she wasn't there when Sayid dug the tiny grave.

_Christine. Greg. Sam. Jin_. Just a month after he and Sun had reconciled Jin slipped and fell on some rocks near the waterfall, hitting his head. Jack had been unable to stop the bleeding. Sun had sat there quietly holding his hand watching as the life slipped out of his eyes. No one ever saw her cry.

_Claire. _When she had survived seventeen hours in labor with Adam, Charlie had claimed her to be invincible. After fifteen years on the island she began to think it was true. It happened just as quickly as Sawyer. She woke up with stomach pains one morning and was unable to keep food down all day. That night before she closed her eyes she took one last look at her husband and three children, knowing that she would never see them again.

That was the death that seemed to rock them the hardest. Charlie had disappeared into the forest for three days after threatening to kill Jack. When he came back there was something missing from his eyes. They all knew that he wouldn't have come back if it weren't for the kids.

The gathered at her grave, all of them, looking into that dark hole, wondering what lay beyond and who would be next. That's the way it always was when they gathered there under the trees. Who would be the next to die? It seemed inevitable. A holding pattern that they couldn't escape. Home and yet not…

One by one they drifted away until only Charlie and Adam stood there staring down at the fresh mound of dirt not wanting to believe that she could be under there. Mother, lover, friend… Charlie suddenly found himself craving peanut butter. Not that he could even remember the taste of that anymore…

He took Adam's hand and led the teenager away. He couldn't stand there forever. Or could he? Why not? There was nothing else… just the days and the nights drifting slowly in and out like the endless surf. There was nothing beyond that…nothing beyond the days and night. Each day an eternity. Each night a lifetime. That's what hell was. He knew that at that moment.

They all knew that as the hope diminished, as they forgot their old lives, as they made a home in hell. They were lovers, friends, mothers and fathers and it all seemed so normal. But what's normal about sitting around and waiting for death? The monster was gone and with that the hope. Sometimes it seemed for them that Claire and Sawyer and Jin and myself, we were the lucky ones. We were the ones that made it off the island. We were the survivors.

It was that thought that made living impossible.

But the tide continued to move in and out each day. The survivors continued to live and die and love.

They learned to live for each other.

They learned to live without the hope. Because somehow, that didn't really matter anymore.


	2. Hold On

**Disclaimer:** I do not and never will own Lost.

**Note:** Things might seem a little slow at first but I am going somewhere with this… I think.

Thanks for the reviews!

**CrAzYhOrSeGiRl88:** I was kind of thinking about Live and Let Die and then I decided to do a variation of it.

**October Sky**: Actually, I'm more of a J/K shipper so there will definitely be some of that.

**Chapter One: Hold On**

_" You were in a band?"_

_" Yes. Well, I am in a band. Or was… who knows."_

_Claire raised her eyebrows and shook her head. "You don't seem like the type."_

_" And what type is that?" Charlie looked at her questioningly._

_She shrugged, her hand unconsciously drifting down to rub her stomach, " Sex, drugs and rock and roll. It doesn't seem like you."_

_Charlie looked at her for a moment with his head cocked to the side, "And why it that?"_

_"You're sweet Charlie."_

_"Ah yes, the words every man wants to hear."_

_She laughed and hit him playfully in the shoulder, "I'm serious. You spend your whole day walking up and down the beach with some pregnant girl with no memory. Not a lot of guys would do that."_

_Charlie nodded and stared out into the setting sun, " Yeah well, not a lot of pregnant girls would spend their days walking with some washed up musician trying to kick a h---._

_He was cut off by a sharp gasp of pain. Claire grasped his arm with one hand, the other cradling her swollen stomach. She doubled over in pain, trying to gasp her breath. Charlie crouched down in front of her as she sank slowly to the sand._

_"What is it Claire? It is the baby?"_

_She nodded and bit her lip as another contraction tore through her body._

_"I'll go get Jack." He shot to his feet but Claire stopped him as her hand grasped his ankle."_

_"Don't leave me Charlie."_

_He glanced frantically up towards the row of shelters in the distance and was about to call out when a scream echoed down the beach. He saw Shannon streaking toward the forest with Jack and Sayid at her heels."_

_Charlie looked back down at Claire who still grasped his ankle. Crouching back down he took her hand and brought it to his lips._

_" I won't leave you Claire. Just breath. Keep breathing."_

"Hey dad? Dad?"

Charlie looked up and squinted into the sun at the lanky blond boy standing above him.

" Did you need something Josh?"

"Hunter and Jake and I are going to the waterfall. Just didn't want you to worry."

Charlie nodded, "Go ahead."

Josh started to walk away but stopped suddenly and looked back at his father, "You okay dad?"

Charlie smiled, "I'm fine. Go have fun."

Josh nodded and began to head towards the trees.

"Oh and Joshua?"

He stopped and looked back.

"Stay out of trouble."

Josh grinned and saluted, then took off at a run towards his friends.

Charlie shook his head and leaned back against the tree. He looked toward the beach at the scattered groups busy at different activities. His gaze landed on the pair walking slowly along the shoreline laughing and talking animatedly to each other. A smile spread across his lips and he closed his eyes, trying to bring back the memory of her. Any memory at all would do.

**Further down the beach**

" Adam. Have you seen James around here?"

The other man looked up, his eyes full of fire. He thrust his thumb towards the beach. "He's with Nadia."

Jack nodded, "He didn't show up for his lesson."

"He's got better things to do." Adam swung the ax high in the air bringing it down with a loud crack on the log. He pushed the two pieces aside and put another log in their place. Jack looked towards the growing pile of firewood.

"You saving up for the winter?"

Adam looked up, letting a small smile cross his face, "I've got a lot of aggression."

"Obviously." Jack started toward the beach but looked back over his shoulder at the troubled young man, "You're not going to accomplish a lot with firewood."

As he turned and walked away he muttered quietly under his breath, "Trust me."

Adam's position was all too familiar to him. He knew what it was like to feel that much for someone, to feel in your soul that you needed that other person, only to realize that they needed someone else in the same way.

It wasn't much of a secret that Adam had begun turning his attention toward the dark skinned girl he had grown up with. Jack could see it in his eyes, the longing, the desperation, the fear.

He wished he could warn the boy, tell him that it wasn't too late…

For Jack it had always been too late. He was always a step behind, never willing to push it forward…

_The canopy of trees made a welcoming relief from the heat of the sun. Jack bent his head forward and ran his hand along the back of his neck. He needed a break. He needed quiet. He needed to go somewhere where he wasn't expected to help everyone, fix every ailment._

_Over the past week he had barely had time to shut his eyes. Just as he was about to go to bed the night before Sayid had come running into the caves. Shannon was having another asthma attack. This time it was worse._

_Jack had run with Sayid back to the beach to calm the frantic woman. It had been the third time in two days that Shannon had had an attack. He warned her that if she didn't lower her stress level she was going to end up killing herself. She didn't seem to care._

_Sayid held her hand and whispered soothing words into her ear while Jack rubed the eucalyptus over her chest. Slowly her breath came back and she trembled in Sayid's arms until she finally fell asleep. With a word of warning to keep her calm Jack started back for the caves. Jeffrey had stopped him on the way there with a complaint about a stomachache. It never ended._

_Now Jack walked through the woods. Away from it all. Away from the death and the asthma and the stomach pains. All of which he blamed on himself. Boone's lifeless face flashed through his mind. Shannon's look of utter loss when they told her. There had to have been something he could have done._

_And then there was Claire who had gone through labor without a doctor, only Charlie and Rose to hold her hand and coax her through the pain. Jack had checked out the baby, told her that he was healthy. Claire had smiled brightly, her fingers stoking the baby boy's face. _

_"What are you going to name him?"_

_"I was thinking about Adam."_

_Jack had laughed, "That sounds about right."_

_He was worried though. There wasn't a lot he could do for the small child. He couldn't bear to tell Claire that the danger was still ahead of her._

_Jack walked further into the woods trying to clear his head, trying not to think about the others. Trying to find a way out of the leader position he had forced his way into._

_He stopped suddenly when he heard murmured voices up ahead. For a moment he thought it was the voices Sayid had told him about. And then he recognized Kate's quick laugh. He smiled. She was the only one that he could talk to._

_He walked a few more steps and then stopped suddenly. Through a clearing in the trees he could see Kate. But she wasn't alone._

_Jack felt a sharp pain in his chest when he saw that she was with Sawyer, learning against him, her arms around his neck, fingers running though his hair. He was looking down at her his hands grasping her hips. She said something and he grinned, his dimples widening. And then she tilted her head towards him…_

_Jack turned on his heels quickly back towards the camp. He couldn't watch it. He couldn't think about it. There were others that needed his help…_

He strode down the beach towards the young pair strolling side by side.

"James, I though you were meeting me for your lesson."

The young man looked away from the girl next to him with a surprised look on his face. "Oh, yeah. I forgot. Nadia and I were just taking a walk."

Jack rubbed his hand over his face and nodded, "Look I understand, but if you're serious about learning about medicine then you've actually got to show up for your lessons.

James looked down in embarrassment and then back at Nadia, "I got to go. I'll talk to you later.

Nadia smiled softly and turned away, her dark curls bouncing around her shoulders. James watched her retreat and then turned back to Jack with a smile on his face. Jack tried not to notice how much his smile made him look like his father.

"You ready?"

"Yeah."

The two walked in silence back up the beach.

"Hey Jack?"

"Yeah?"

"Nadia looks really pretty today, doesn't she?"

Jack rolled his eyes.

Thanks for reading. Please review...


	3. Chemistry

**Disclaimer: I do not and never will own Lost…**

Thanks for the Reviews!

**Imzadi**: Nadia is the daughter of Sayid and Shannon. I'm not really sure yet if I'm going to give Sun and Jin children. We'll see.

**CrAzYhOrSeGiRl88**: Thanks for the encouragement. I'm glad you like it.

**October Sky:** Sorry for the mix up. Can't wait to read your fic.

**Chemistry **

"He told me I was pretty."

"What did you say?"

"I told him he was an idiot."

Shannon snorted, "That's my daughter. And why did you say that?"

Nadia waved a fly out of her face, " Well, because he is. He doesn't know that I'm pretty. Pretty compared to what?"

"Hun, just because you're the only girl his age doesn't mean that he doesn't truly care about you."

"It's a lack of options mom! I'm the only female on this island under the age of thirty!"

"Do you like him?"

Nadia swung her head around, "What?"

"James, do you like him?"

She shrugged, "I don't know. He nice and everything… I just don't feel like there's anything there. Like you and dad. You have chemistry. When he looks at you you feel it don't you?"

Shannon smiled as she thought of her husbands dark eyes, " You've been reading my Cosmo again haven't you?"

Nadia rolled her eyes, "You taught me to read with that thing. I have it memorized. What did you expect?"

"So you don't feel anything but friendship with James?"

"No. I guess not."

Shannon wondered if she should even ask the next question. "Do you feel that chemistry with anyone?" She watched her daughter's eyes for a reaction.

The young girl didn't look at her. She sat in silence for a moment and then stood up. "I think I'm going to go for a walk. You look like you could use some rest."

"Nadia."

Nadia just waved back at her mom and walked down the beach. Shannon sighed and settled back into her chair. She had a pretty good idea where her daughter was going and she really didn't like it at all.

_"Can I talk to you for a minute Shannon?"_

_Shannon shaded her eyes and looked up to see whose voice she heard._

_"Sure."_

_Claire sat down cross-legged in the sand and the two of them watched the young kids playing in the water._

_"Did you need something?"_

_Claire bit her lip and nodded, unsure of how to say what she had to say. _

_"It's about Adam."_

_Shannon looked out toward the water where the ten-year-old boy laughed and splashed her daughter with water._

_"Is something wrong? It he okay?"_

_Claire nodded quickly, "He's fine. It's just…there's something I thought you should know."_

_"What's that?"_

_"Well, see I was talking to Charlie and we thought that since Adam and Nadia have grown up together and are such good friends that you should know. I mean, it really doesn't mean anything. And we're really glad that they are such good friends. I know its hard for Nadia being the only girl, but…"_

_"Claire." Shannon interrupted her with a bemused look on her face, "What's going on?"_

_"I saw a psychic right after I found out I was pregnant. He refused to do my reading at first. Something, something scared him. But I went back and made him do it. He told me that my child had to be raised by me. I had to be the one to raise my son."_

_Shannon looked at her skeptically, "Okay…"_

_"I didn't listen at first. But then I went back. Something about what he was saying made me go back. That's when he gave me a place ticket. Told me that he had found a family in L.A. that wanted to adopt the baby. He made sure that I left the next day. Oceanic Flight 815. It had to be that flight."_

_Claire looked at Shannon for a reaction. The other woman just stared back with a look of disbelief. _

_"I know.Iit's crazy right?"_

_"Yeah. Yeah, this is a little crazy. Claire, I don't believe in all that psychic crap."_

_Claire shook her head, "But he knew. He knew what was going to happen to the plane. He knew that I was going to have to raise this baby on my own."_

_"Did he know about the monsters and the weird voices and the crazy men who kidnap pregnant girls?"_

_"You don't believe me."_

_"No I don't. I'm sorry." Shannon shrugged._

_"I didn't really believe it at first either. Adam was born and he was this perfect little child. He looked like every other baby boy."_

_"Claire, he is just like every other baby boy."_

_"No he's not. Shannon, there's something different about him. From the beginning I've noticed it. Charlie noticed. Shannon, Adam is not just an average ten year old boy."_

Shannon watched her daughter retreat into the distance. After that conversation with Claire she had tried to put some space between the two children. She couldn't look at Adam without some fear; she couldn't let her daughter be put in danger. Eight-year-old Nadia couldn't understand why she couldn't play with Adam, why she suddenly had to spend all her time with Kate's boys, James and Hunter.

Those two always found a way back to each other though. Because there are some things that you just can't put an end to. Like chemistry.

**Author's Note: Sorry for the short chapter. I wanted to get this up before I left on vacation. I'll be gone for a week so it will be a while before I get another one up. Thanks for reading. Please review. I live on it.**


	4. Something in Common

**Disclaimer: I do not and never will own Lost… unless J.J. Abrams wants to hand it over to me as a birthday present… Thanks for the reviews!  
**

**Chapter 3: Something in Common **

"You look like you could use a break."

Kate shaded her eyes and looked up from the basket of laundry she was hanging up.

"Well, if you and your brother would quit getting your clothes so dirty I would already be sitting under a palm tree catching up on my reading.

James laughed and leaned down to help his mother, "You can thank Hunter for that. He and Jake were wresting in the mud the other day. "

Kate rolled her eyes, " And what were they fighting about this time?"

"Nothing. Josh bet Jake that he couldn't take Hunter in a fight."

"Who won?"

"No one. They got tired and went to go pick on Walt."

"What'd they do to him?"

James shrugged, "I dunno but I heard Jack yelling at them later. Something about coconuts and shoelaces."

"I don't want to know."

"Me neither."

The two were quiet for a moment while they finished up the laundry. James bent down to pick up the basket and they walked back over to their shelter.

"How did your lesson with Jack go today?"

"Okay." James shrugged, " He quizzed me on the different parts of the body. I didn't do so well."

Kate smiled, "Have you been studying?"

" I guess. I just haven't been that into it lately."

" I thought you wanted to work with Jack. You're the one that asked him to start training you."

"Yeah, I know. I've just been preoccupied."

"With what?"

"Nothing." James mumbled the word and looked out towards the water. Kate watched the way that he chewed on his lower lip. She smiled.  
"And does this nothing have to do with a certain girl?"

James's shoulder's sagged, "Is it that obvious?"

"Call it mother's intuition."

"Well, it doesn't matter anyway."

"Why? Why wouldn't it matter?"

"She could never like me. Not the way that I care about her."

Kate stared at him sympathetically and reached over to brush some of his shaggy blond hair out of his face, " You don't know that."

James threw his hands up in the air and started to walk away, "Everyone knows that mom. Even you. Don't look at me like you feel sorry for me. I'm sick of it!"

"James!" Kate called after him and watched in helplessness as he ignored her and headed into the forest."

Dropping her head into her hands she sighed turned back towards her small hut. She had no idea how to help her son. When he was younger she could at least comfort him if he fell down and hurt himself. She would hold him close to her and whisper soothing words. But he was eighteen now and this was something that was beyond her. Besides, she had never been very good at relationships herself. For the millionth time since his death Kate wished that Sawyer was around to help his son.

Not that he was any kind of relationship expert himself. Which was probably why they worked so well together in those five years. Both had been irreversibly screwed up in the game of love and life. Somehow together, they had managed to make a new start.

Kate settled herself down in the shade of her hut and closed her eyes. She could still remember the first time, or rather, the second time that she had kissed him.

_She was tired of the crying. Tired of the sobs drifting down the beach into her shelter no matter how hard she tried to block it out. Tired of the choking wheezing cough and the sound of Jack's voice trying to sooth and comfort. She couldn't listen to it anymore. She couldn't take it._

_Her own tears slid quietly down her cheeks as she made her way through the trees, deeper and deeper into the forest, away from those noises. It echoed in her ears though and she couldn't stop it. It ran through her mind over and over again like a broken record._

_The scream. That lifeless face. The choking sobs._

_Kate stopped for a moment and tried to catch her breath. She hadn't realized how fast she was walking. But she needed to get away._

_There was a fallen tree blocking her path and she sat down on it, pulling her knees up to her chin. Closing her eyes she tried to bring up some memory of her childhood. Some happy peaceful time before plane crashes and island monsters and dead bodies. _

_Her eyes shot open when she heard the sound of leaves crunching behind her. She waited for a minute and then swung around, throwing her arm out at full force. She made contact with something hard._

_"Son of a bitch!" Sawyer grimaced and looked down at his arm. "What the hell was that for?"_

_Kate turned back around, trying to wipe away the tears from her cheeks. He couldn't see her being weak. Never let them see you cry. First rule of thumb._

_"Maybe you shouldn't sneak around like that."_

_"Why the hell are you all the way out her?" He walked around the tree so that he was facing her._

_"Why the hell are you all the way out here?"_

_"Making sure you didn't get eaten by a polar bear."_

_Kate rolled her eyes at his sarcastic tone and stood up, brushing off her pants. "Don't bother. I don't need a protector."_

_"Well, call me crazy little darlin' but it seems that every time someone heads out into this forest they wind up tortured by some crazy French woman, kidnapped, attacked by a polar bear…"_

_"I already know what can happen out here Sawyer!" Kate swung around, her eyes full of fire._

_He wasn't done yet though, "…or dead!"_

_Kate pushed against him, the palms of her hands against his chest, "Shut up! We all know what can happen! Joanna, Scott, the pilot… Boone. We know what can happen! I don't need you to make a list. And I don't need you to protect me."_

_Sawyer just laughed and grabbed her forearms, locking her close to his body. He looked down at her face, noting the puffiness of her eyes._

_" Well well, if I didn't know any better I would say you had a little crush on our little Davy Crocket, thought he could go out into the woods and fight a monster. You seem awful upset about the death of someone you barely know. Of course, I always thought it would be the Doc. Even put a bet into the pool everyone has going._

_Kate struggled against him and he let go of her arms. She reached out a slapped him across the face, "You asshole. Go to hell." _

_Sawyer rubbed the sore spot on his face, "I don't mean to correct you sweetheart but I think we're already there." He stepped forward and grabbed her again. "And then again, there are ways to make even hell a little bit better." He leaned down and brought his lips to hers, pulling her against him forcefully._

_She pushed against him. Her mind screaming at him to let her go. But the words never came and she found her lips responding, her mouth parting, letting his tongue brush against her teeth. The kiss deepened and she slid her hands up his chest, cupping his face and moving around to tangle in his hair. He growled deep in his throat and her body responded, pressing deeper into his._

_They pulled away from each other to catch their breath and Kate leaned her head into his chest. _

_"I guess we really do have a lot in common."_

_"Well, you see. When you stop beating the crap out of someone long enough to give them a little kiss, you really can learn a lot."_

_Kate laughed and looked up, "You're still an asshole."_

_Sawyer grinned, his dimples deepening. Kate titled her head up, capturing his lips in another kiss._

"Am I interrupting something?"

Kate's eyes flew open and she saw Jack standing in the doorway of her hut. He smiled.

" You looked like you were having a good dream."

She shook her head and stood up, " I was just thinking."

" About what?"

Kate shrugged, " Nothing much… just umm…laundry."

"What?"

"Laundry. I have to go get the laundry." She walked past him into the open air and then turned around. He stared back at her quizzically, rubbing his hands through this graying hair.

"You want to help?"

He grinned and picked up the basket that lay at her feet.

"I'd love to."

They walked down the beach together.

"So I heard Hunter was causing a little bit of trouble yesterday."

Jack snorted, " Kate, your son manages to get into a little bit of trouble every single day."

"It's a gift of his."

"From his father." Jack smiled.

" Yes it is. I guess trouble making is hereditary."

"You could probably make a case study out of it, yeah."

Kate laughed.

**Please read and review. I appreciate everyone who has already done so. I'll try to get the next chapter up as soon as possible. **


	5. Keeping Secrets

Disclaimer: I do not own Lost… never will… 

_**Thank you so much for the reviews. They mean the world to me!**_

**Chapter Four: Keeping Secrets**

Calm. Stillness. It was all about patience. Waiting… for… the… right… moment.

Sayid lunged the spear into the water quick as lightning. As he did a sharp twinge shot down his back and he hissed in pain, dropping the spear and scaring away all the fish.

"Dammit." Keeping one hand on his back, he slowly made his way back to shore. He could see Shannon standing at the edge of the beach with a concerned look on her face and he walked over to where she stood.

"You're getting too old for that."

"I am not getting too old. I just twisted my back in the wrong way."

Shannon rolled her eyes and watched him drop to the sand, "Yeah sure." She crouched down next to him and ran her hands down his back, pressing lightly on the spots that normally bothered him.

Sayid groaned and dropped his head into his hands. "I am getting too old."

Shannon laughed, "Glad to see you're finally admitting it. Maybe now you'll let Adam or James help you out a little bit."

"I will think about it."

Shannon continued to work out the kinks of his back trying to think of a way to bring up the situation with their daughter.

"I was talking to Nadia earlier."

"Hmmm."

" James told her he thought she was pretty."

"Did you come out here to gossip about our daughter's relationships?"

"Shouldn't you be interested in those relationships?"

"I do not want to hear about it. James is a nice boy."

"Yeah, well, that's the problem. She doesn't like James."

Sayid sighed and turned around, " I don't want to have this conversation again." He stood up and offered Shannon his hand. She just looked up at him and furrowed her eyebrows.

"I think we _need_ to have this conversation again. Nadia headed off into the woods after we were done talking. And I don't need too many guesses as to who she went to talk to."

"Adam is a nice boy. I've always liked him. If Nadia feels the desire to be friends with him then we should not stop her. Besides, how can you discriminate against Adam after…?"

"Claire told me…"

" I know what Claire told you. And I think we have both seen proof that Adam is not the only person on this island who is a little bit different."

Shannon stood up and glared at her husband. She looked around to make sure no one was listening, "Someone could have heard you."

Sayid threw his hands up in exasperation, "It is not a secret. Everyone on this island knows that something unusual happened that day."

"A lot of unusual things happen on this island."

"Well only once in my memory has someone died and then come back to life as if nothing ever happened."

Sayid and Shannon stared at each other. After a moment he let out a breath and reached out to caress her cheek, "She will be fine. I think we both know that sometimes you just can't stop the way you feel about someone."

Shannon nodded.

_He had to fight his way through the fog. Towards the screaming. He pushed his way closer and the screaming got louder and louder._

_"Noooo!"_

_Sayid shot up as the scream reverberated through his ears. He reached over and shook the trembling blond._

_"Shannon, Shannon. Wake up. It's just a dream."_

_Her skin was hot to the touch and her clothes stuck to her skin, drenched in sweat. Sayid reached down to stroke her cheek. He leaned down and whispered in her ear, "Shhh, Shannon it's okay. Wake up."_

_With a sudden jerk, her eyes flew open and she took a deep shuddering breath. She turned her head to look at Sayid for a moment and then burst into tears._

_He scooped her up in his arms and held her against his body rocking her back and forth. It killed him to see her like this. Not to be able to do anything. Helpless to stop the pain in her eyes._

_Suddenly she gasped and pulled away from him, pulling herself back through the sand, out of his shelter. Silent tears continued to fall down her cheeks as Sayid watched her in confusion._

_"You can't… You can't help me anymore."_

_"Why not?" He reached for her hand and she yanked it away, staring at him with an unreadable expression. _

_" You deserve better than me. Better than this. I'm not worth it… I'm not worth anything…"_

_Sayid shook his head, "Shannon I don't understand."_

_Shannon closed her eyes and took a deep breath, " I can never fix it now. I can never fix what happened. I can never apologize."_

_"For what?"_

_"Boone…"_

_Sayid looked at her with compassion, "That was not your fault. There was nothing anyone could have done."_

_She shook her head furiously, keeping her eyes closed, " It was my fault. It was my fault that he was on that plane. We never should have been here. I never should have conned him out of that money. I never should have expected him to be my savior." _

_Her voice got quiet and Sayid barely heard the next words that came out of her mouth, "I never should have gone up to his room that night…" She bit her lip and opened her eyes slowly, waiting for his expression._

_He looked at her in confusion for a moment until realization dawned on him. A chill went down his back as he understood what she meant… No, no that. It couldn't be. But the look in her eyes, the shame on her face._

_Sayid took a deep breath and opened his mouth to speak, "Shannon, I…"_

_But before he could get his words out she had scrambled to her feet and run down the beach, kicking sand up behind her._

_One week later_

_She was avoiding him. It had been a week since their last conversation and every time he went anywhere near her she turned and walked in a different direction. She had even moved temporarily to the caves to put more distance between them. It hurt him that she had such little faith in him, to expect that he would turn on her so quickly. Every time their eyes met a blush crept into her cheeks and Sayid could feel his heart tightening. The more time they spent apart the more he realized how much he valued their time together. She had been the only person on the island that he had connected with, had truly enjoyed spending time with. Come to think of it, she was the only person in a long time… maybe since Nadia… that he had enjoyed spending time with._

_He remembered when she had kissed him. At the time he had wondered what she could be thinking to kiss an Iraqi soldier. How it was that the most unlikely pair on the island had somehow found their way to each other. It was then that he had come to the realization: he was no longer a member of the Iraqi Republican Guard, Shannon was no longer a stuck up socialite from Los Angeles. They were just two people stuck on an island with the chance to start a new life. Add in the fact that they had chemistry._

_When Boone had died Sayid wanted nothing more than to fix it for her, go back in time, heal all wounds. But all he could do was hold her until she fell asleep, gently wake her from every nightmare, and help ease the panic when breath wouldn't come. But now she wouldn't even accept the help._

_He watched her from across the caves, helping Claire tears pieces of cloth to make into baby clothing. She laughed and a smile crept across her face but Sayid noticed that it didn't reach her eyes. With soft steps he walked over to where she sat._

_"Shannon, can I talk to you?_

_Startled she looked up into his dark eyes and he could see the hesitation. He held out his hand._

_"Please?"_

_She nodded and slipped her fingers into his. Claire watched them walk away with a smile._

_They walked a little way through the trees in silence until Shannon stopped and put a hand on his arm._

_"Sayid."_

_He looked back at her and noticed the tears that were welling in her eyes. He suddenly realized that he had nothing to say. There was nothing to say. _

_With one quick motion he cupped her face in his hands and pressed his lips to hers. He could feel her resistance but he continued to knock at her barriers, parting her lips with his tongue, pressing her body to his. _

_Shannon moaned and slipped her hands up his arms, into his dark curls. She pulled at them as the kiss became desperate. His hand moved down her back, under her shirt and Shannon gasped when she felt his rough hands against the bare skin of her back. He pulled away for a minute, unsure. But Shannon wouldn't let go. She nuzzled the side of his neck whispering the words, "I need you." Over and over again._

_Sayid felt an animalist urge take over his body as he pushed her against the nearest tree capturing her mouth in another kiss. They needed each other. They needed to feel, to know that they were still alive. His hands moved furiously over her body, a blur of light and dark. Two bodies moving together in harmony, edging towards oblivion…_

Shannon giggled as her husband placed feather light kisses down her neck. Sighing, she turned around in Sayid's arms.

"Hmm, that's one thing you never seem to get too old for."

Sayid laughed, "Well, that's good to know."

"You know, one of these days we're going to get caught out here." Shannon sat up and pulled some leaves out of her hair.

"Twenty years and no one has interrupted us yet."

"God, twenty years. Feels like longer.

Sayid sat up and pulled on his shirt, "Well it's a good thing that we have found ways to pass the time.

A Few Miles Away

"La mer. Qu'on voit danser le long…" Nadia suddenly stopped singing under her breath. She stood silently and looked around. Then a smile spread across her face.

" Are you hiding from me?" She looked straight up into the branches above her where two blue eyes met her gaze.

"Not from you." Adam slid down a branch and then jumped the last five feet landing in front of Nadia. She smiled up at him.

"Well, then who're you hiding from?"

He shrugged, "Life I guess."

Nadia rolled her eyes, "Oh please. Don't be so tragic."

Adam smiled at her, "You were singing to yourself."

"Uh-huh."

"That song your mom used to sing."

"Yeah. It's the only French I know."

"It's beautiful."

Nadia blushed, suddenly realizing how close she and Adam were standing. Casually taking a few steps back she asked repeated her earlier question, "Who were you hiding from?"

"Maybe I was just up there so I could think."

"And you were watching me."

Now it was Adam's turn to blush. He coughed and tried to change the subject, "I saw your parents arguing earlier."

"And? That's not really anything new. They argue all the time."

"How is it that they manage to stay together then?"

Nadia thought for a moment, "I don't know. Chemistry?"

"Chemistry?" He looked at her skeptically, " Did you get that from your magazine?"

"So, maybe I did. It doesn't mean that it's not true. Some people are just chemically attracted to each other."

"Meaning?"

"Meaning that maybe there's someone out there that you're just cosmically connected to."

"Some one out there? Past the island?"

""I don't know. I guess the person could be a lot closer to you than that."

Adam looked down, realizing that he and Nadia and unconsciously been moving closer and closer to each other. Bending down he whispered in her ear, "How close?"

Nadia felt an electric shiver run down her back as his words tickled her ear. Barely moving her head she looked into his deep blue eyes and licked her lips, "Umm... I don't know exactly." Her voice suddenly sounded strange and deep.

He tilted his head slightly and Nadia felt a thrill run through her body when all of a sudden a twig snapped behind them.

"Well, well, well. What do we have here?"

**Please read and review. The next chapter will be up soon. **


	6. The Eight

**Disclaimer: Once again I do not own Lost. Never will. Only in my dreams. **

_**Thanks to everyone who has reviewed! You make my day! **_

**Chapter Five: The Eight **

"He dribbles to the left, dribbles to the right, makes his way up the court…"

"Ohhhh, stolen right from under his nose. She fades back to the three point line, she shoots… and scores!"

Kate pumped her fist in the air and smirked, " Well Jack, I believe that makes the score 18-20. I win."

Jack grinned cockily and retrieved the ball from the ground, "I let you win."

Kate snorted, "Oh, you did?"

"Yes. I didn't want you to feel humiliated."

"Jack, I think we can all testify that your basketball playing skills don't quite reach the level of your doctoring skills."

"What are you trying to say?"

"I'm saying you suck Jack."

He glared at her for a moment and then smiled good naturedly, "I've gotten better though. You've got to admit that."

Kate looked down at the ball Jack held in his hands, " Jack, Hurley built this thing fifteen years ago. You've yet to win a game."

Jack threw the ball in her direction and she ducked as it sailed over her head, "Maybe if we had something better than a blown up boar stomach I could show off my skills.

"Jack you lost to Sun once."

"Hey! I thought we were never going to talk about that." They both laughed.

Kate sat down and opened a bottle of water, taking a swig. She handed it to Jack and he held it in his hand while watching her.

She looked around self consciously, "What?"

He shrugged, "Nothing. I just noticed that you've got a few more gray hairs there."

"Shut up." She swatted his leg and he sat down next to her, "You're one to talk about gray hair. Grandpa." She rubbed her hand over his head and he smiled.

"I'm not the one who's got a son old enough to actually make her a grandma."

Kate grimaced, " He's only eighteen."

Jack shrugged, " And what were you doing at eighteen?"

"Huh." Kate thought for a moment, " Maybe it's a good thing that Nadia's the only girl on this island."

"I don't know. I don't think James would be too upset if Nadia came over and asked him to share a hut with her."

"Oh my God." Kate dropped her head in her hands. She looked sideways at Jack through her fingers, "You have taught him about birth control, right?"

Jack laughed, " I talked to all the kids. Truthfully I'm surprised it hasn't been an issue."

"Why?"

"Think about it Kate. We're on an island. There's not a lot to do around here. Sayid and Shannon can barely keep their hands off each other so they've all grown up knowing about sex. It's not something easily hidden in this world we've made for ourselves. Unfortunately for them we seemed to have blessed with a less than equal male to female ratio around here."

"That's going to be a problem, isn't it?"

"I think it already is." Jack cocked his head in thought, "I talked to Adam today."

Kate nodded, "I talked to James."

"Ahh, the dreaded love triangle." He grinned slyly, "Not that we would know anything about that."

"Oh, no. Absolutely nothing. Kate rolled her eyes. "That seems to be a way of life around here."

They sat in silence for a moment until Kate placed her hand on Jack's knee and stood up, "I'm going to go see what the boys are up to."

Jack nodded and placed his hand over Kate's, rubbing his thumb over her wrist. She smiled at him, then turned and walked away.

Deep in thought Jack watched her retreating figure. Their conversation had suddenly catapulted him back in time. Back when he had been on the rotten side of one of those triangles. Back when it had become glaringly obvious that there was an unequal ratio of males to females….

_He had noticed it in Shannon first. The way she picked at her food and turned her face up at any strange smell. But it wasn't too much of a delineation from the way she normally acted so he hadn't paid it much attention. Then one morning he had seen her emerge from her tent looking pale and then run with her hand over her mouth towards the forest. When Jack questioned her she said that she felt fine, it was probably just something she ate. But it happened the next day too and Jack began to notice the furtive glances Claire began throwing in her direction, glancing at Shannon and then down at Adam with a concerned look on her face. _

_When Shannon didn't come to him, Jack decided to approach her with his guess. He found her standing with her feet in the water one day, staring out at the horizon. Walking toward her was the easy part. But in the year since they had been on the island Jack had developed a healthy fear of Shannon's attitude. He could never figure out how Sayid dealt with it._

_Shannon watched him as he stood next to her with his arms folded, "Can I help you?"_

_"Are you pregnant?" There. Just get right to it._

_She arched her eyebrow and laughed a curt laugh, "Right. That's a good one."_

_"Shannon I'm serious."_

_"Look, Jack. Just because I've been sick the past couple days doesn't mean that I'm pregnant."_

_"When was your last period?"_

_"Are we seriously doing this?" Shannon turned and began to walk away._

_"Yes, this is serious. When was your last period?"_

_With an exasperated sigh Shannon shook her head, "I don't know. I haven't been keeping track."_

_Jack didn't believe her but he kept pushing the subject. "You've been sick every morning for the past week, you get nauseous at the slightest smell, you've been putting on weight without eating."_

_Shannon glared, "Gee, Jack. That's just the thing every girl wants to hear. No wonder you don't have a girlfriend."_

_For a split second he considered leaving her to her own suffering. But he decided to ignore the bitchiness. _

_"Shannon. I need to know. I'm the only doctor on this island. I'm the only one that can help you through this. There are a lot of dangers. We barely have any medical supplies. I'm not an obstetrician. We have to work together here."_

_She looked down at her feet for a moment and when she looked back up there were tears in her eyes._

_"I don't think I can do this."_

_"Yes you can. You can."_

_**A few days later**_

_Jack stretched out his arms and yawned, turning over in his bed. He jumped when her saw the figure standing in the mouth of the cave. _

_"Jesus Kate. Are you trying to scare me to death?" He sat up and wiped the sleep out of his eyes. Kate walked over and leaned against the side of the cave with a anxious look on her face. " Sorry. I thought you would be awake."_

_" Greg was complaining again about a stomachache. I was up all night."_

_"Busy life of the doctor."_

_"You could say that." Jack looked up in question. "Did you need something Kate?"_

_She smiled at him and bit her lip, " I heard about Shannon."_

_He nodded, " Yeah. This should be interesting."_

_"How far along is she?"_

_"I'd say a couple months." Jack stood up and walked out to the waterfall to throw some water on his face. Kate followed him and watched him for a moment in silence._

_"Is she okay?"_

_Jack shrugged, "I don't know. Right now she is. But we're living in primitive times. There's not a lot I can do to help her if something goes wrong."_

_"So, there's a chance the baby might not make it?"_

_"Yeah, the baby. Shannon too."_

_Kate looked concerned but she laughed and stared down at her hands. "I guess we knew it was going to happen when the condoms ran out."_

_Jack laughed, "Well there's really only one other method of birth control we know of right now. And with the lack of things to do on this island I really don't want to start outlawing one of the things people do for fun around here. We would have to start playing a lot more golf. _

_" Hurley would have to make some more golf clubs."_

_Jack laughed and then noticed the look on Kate's face, "Don't worry. Sun and I are working on something we might be able to use if things get out of hand."_

_Kate nodded and Jack began to walk away. He barely heard the next words out of her mouth._

_"Jack, I'm late."_

_"Late for what?" He looked at her in confusion until the look on her face kicked in. All the questions she was asking. Her and Sawyer…Jack suddenly had the urge to punch the wall of the cave. Instead, he took a step closer and looked into her yes._

_"You're pregnant."_

_She nodded, "I think so." Then she looked up with a half smile, "I guess things are about to get _really_ crazy." _

_**Later that night**_

_1…2…3…4…5… Breathe. 1…2…3…4…5…Breathe._

_Jack sighed and sat up in his bed. He couldn't relax. Couldn't get his mind to stop running over all the possibilities. What if… What if…_

_Suddenly the stakes seemed so much higher. This was Kate… He kept picturing something going wrong. Losing the baby. Losing Kate. He pictured the possibility of everything working out. Kate and a baby…Kate, a baby and Sawyer. He wanted to scratch the image of such a family permanently out of his mind's eye."_

_" I'm not bothering you am I? You're not in the middle of some important doctor stuff are you?" _

_Jack wanted to scream at the sound of that voice interrupting his thoughts._

_"What do you want Sawyer?"_

_The blond haired man stepped into the cave staring down at Jack who sighed and stood up to meet him face to face._

_"Kate just told me."_

_Jack nodded, "Yeah, I talked to her this morning."_

_" So, what do I do?"_

_"What?" Jack questioned him wearily._

_" It's dangerous. I know that. I know what can happen. What can I do to help?"_

_Something changed in that moment that Jack peered into Sawyer's face. He saw the worry written there. He saw the concern and as much as it pained him, he saw the love. In a quick flash Jack saw Sawyer with that baby on his lap, looking tenderly into that brand new face. Something inside him gave up at the image._

_" There's not a lot you can do Sawyer. Just don't let Kate exert herself too much. Especially as the pregnancy progresses."_

_"You think that's gonna be easy Doc?"_

_Jack smiled, "Just watch out for her, okay?"_

_Sawyer looked back at him, " You too. When the time comes you'll do everything you can. Right?"_

_The two men stared at each other, a wave of understanding washing over them. Jack nodded and Sawyer turned to leave. At the mouth of the cave he turned with a grin, "Oh and doc? If something does happen, I'll kill you." He turned and left._

_Jack let out a sigh and dropped back down to the ground with his head in his hands. He had already gotten the same threat from Sayid. The next seven months were going to be hell._

"Kate defeat you again?"

Jack looked up at Hurley, "What makes you think that I lost?"

"Dude, you suck. You wanna play?"

Jack shook his head and threw Hurley the ball, "No thanks, I've had enough ridicule for the day."

Hurley shook his head, "Whatever."

Jack watched for a moment as the other man tossed the ball in a perfect arch toward the hoop. He didn't watch to see if it made the basket.

**Back in the forest**

Adam and Nadia pulled away from each other at the sound of the voice and snickering behind them. Nadia spun around and Adam shot daggers at the three teenagers standing behind the trees.

"Are you spying on us?"

Hunter snickered, " Yeah right. Like I want to watch you make out with my brother's girlfriend."

"I am not his girlfriend."

Josh hung his head in mock sadness, "Poor James, if he had seen you, his little heart would have been crushed."

Jake made kissing noises with his hand while Adam reached out to smack his brother across the head.

"Ouch, that hurt. I'm gonna tell dad that you're being violent again."

"Great. And while you're at it, mention how much of an asshole you are."

Hunter and Jake both snorted with laughter as Josh glared at his older brother.

Nadia stepped in between them, placing her hand on Adam's chest.

"Guys come on. Just drop it."

"What's going on?"

Everyone froze at the new voice. Hunter spoke first, " Oh James, how delightful it is to see you. We were just about to sit down and have some tea."

James rolled his eyes at his younger brother's falsetto. He nodded toward Adam, "You and your brother having problems again?"

Adam clenched his jaw, "Nothing I can't handle on my own."

Jake piped up with a giggle in his voice, " He called Josh an asshole."

James looked thoughtful, "Well now, that doesn't seem very nice. Don't you think you should be setting a better example for the younger kids here?"

Nadia slumped her shoulders at the way James egged Adam on while Josh muttered something under his breath about not being a kid.

"I'm sorry. Do you have a problem with something I've done?" Adam turned his attention on James.

"Maybe I do."

"And maybe I've got a problem with you."

" I can't imagine why." The two young men stood within inches of each other and Nadia looked on with worry while the younger boys watched in amusement.

" I think you know exactly why I have a problem with you."

"Let me guess. It has something to with a girl."

"Seriously Josh, shut up."

"Oh, can't we all just get along?"

"Shut up Hunter." James turned his head to glare at his brother and Adam took the opportunity to land a punch square on his jaw.

The shock caught James off guard and he flew backward landing flat on his back.

"Adam! What the hell are you thinking?" Nadia screamed and rushed toward James who lay on the ground in a daze.

"Nice punch." Jake tried to high five Adam but the older man just stood and watched Nadia lean over James.

It didn't take long for him to recover and in a minute he had scrambled to his feet and launched himself towards Adam.

"Stop it. Both of you!"

_"It is them." _

"Dude did you guys hear that?" Hunter looked up at the trees, which began to rustle in the breeze.

Nadia looked around, "I heard it."

_Earth._

Jake laughed, "It's probably just Walt trying to get back at us."

Josh looked confused, "It didn't sound like Walt."

_Water. Fire. Air._

Adam and James stopped attacking each other as the whispers grew louder. The six young people stood under the trees looking around them in confusion.

_Earth. Fire. Water. Air. _

"What is that?" Josh's voice was filled with fear. They were all used to the island's strange behavior but this was something new.

_It is them._

_They are the ones._

_The eight. The infinite. The eternal._

Suddenly the forest began to pulse with a bright light as if it was coming from the trees themselves.

_There are only six._

_The others will come._

_The others will come. _

Nadia screamed in fright as the light grew brighter and the voices grew louder. She could hear the others moving around her. She could hear Adam's voice calling for her. But it grew fainter.

_Earth. Air. Fire Water. _

And then everything went white.

**Author's Note**: So, the title of this chapter was actually where I got the entire story from. I hope you liked it. There's more to come. All will be explained… I hope. My plan it to get it finished before the season finale so that I don't fall too far out of canon. Please read and review.


	7. All the Time in the World

**Disclaimer: I don't own LOST. Obviously.**

_Thank you so much for the reviews. I love you all. I'm so glad that you're reading still. I really do love writing this story so I'm glad someone else likes it too._

**Chapter Six: All The Time in the World**

Kate bit her lip as she scanned the horizon, looking for any sign of her boys. She caught sight of Charlie standing outside his hut and walked over to him with a smile.  
"Hey Charlie. You seen the boys?"

He shook his head. "I was just going to ask you the same thing. Josh told me they were going to go to the waterfall. That was about three hours ago." He shrugged, "My guess is that they're off getting into more trouble."

Kate smiled and nodded, trying to let go of the anxiety. " I wouldn't be surprised. Jack told me that they were causing problems yesterday."

Charlie shook his head, "I heard. Walt came to talk to me. I told him that I would have a little talk with them when they got home."

"I don't get it. I don't know what I can do to get them to listen."

" Ha. I'm not really that surprised that we got a bunch of troublemakers on our hands. Consider the source. They've got a bunch of thieving, drug abusing, murderous parents. They didn't stand a chance."

Kate laughed at Charlie's sarcastic tone, " I guess it's true. I shouldn't have been all that surprised. Having Sawyer's kids and all."

Charlie smiled, "Hunter. That kids looks more like Sawyer everyday."

"Acts like him too."

" Yes he does. So then, where did James get that quiet, reflective personality of his?"

"Not a clue." Kate shrugged and smiled sadly, " I guess a lot of it has to do with losing his dad so young." She was quiet for a moment. "But he still managed to get that sarcastic sense of humor."

Charlie nodded, " It's weird you know. How personality seems to be partially born into a person. Like Adam. Claire always said that he reminded her a little bit of his father. Just hope he doesn't knock someone up and then leave her pregnant and alone."

Kate smiled at the protectiveness that still resonated in Charlie's voice, " What about Jake and Josh? Where did they get their personalities?"

"Actually, Josh always reminded me of my brother Liam. The way he's always getting into trouble. Looking for some way to be the center of attention. And Jake…" Charlie smiled, "I guess Jake reminds me a lot of myself. The way he follows Josh around. So ready to earn his approval. I spent a lot of my life following my brother around, going along with his every scheme. Bloody idiot."

Kate laughed, " They're all good kids though. They're better off than I was when I was that age."

"That's true. You ever wonder though how they would all be different if we weren't on this island?"

Kate nodded and started to walk away, "Yeah, they'd probably be non existent. I'll see you later. I'm going to go look around some more."

Charlie smiled. Kate was right. As much as they cursed the island it had brought them all together. Without it he wouldn't have Adam, Josh or Hunter. And he never would have met Claire.

_"Remember this always. Because it might be one of the most important things that you'll ever hear. Are you listening? Okay, here it is… Never do drugs. Just say no. Be strong. Just say no. Are you listening to me? Yeah, I didn't think so."_

_Charlie smiled down at the infant he cradled in his arms. Adam giggled and threw his tiny fit into the air to grab onto Charlie's finger._

_"That's right Adam, be strong." He shifted and held the child closer, marveling at how tiny and helpless he felt in his arms. For the first time, looking down at that perfect skin and feeling those tiny fingers grasp his, he felt that he really could be a father._

_"Charlie?"_

_He looked up and smiled at Claire who had just woken up."_

_"Good morning." He smiled. Adam and I were just having a little morning chat."_

_Claire gave him a strange look and reached out for her baby. "What are you doing?"_

_Charlie gently placed Adam in Claire's arms, " I heard Adam was awake so I thought I would pick him up before he started crying and woke you up."_

_Claire murmured something to Adam and then looked up, "I'm his mother Charlie. You don't have to worry about it."_

_"I was just trying to help."_

_"Well, you don't need to. Adam and I are just fine by ourselves."_

_"Claire. You can't do this alone. Not on the island."_

_Taking a deep breath, Claire nodded, " I realize that. But you have to realize something too." She looked into his confused eyes, "You're not his father. Stop trying to act like it." She stood up with Adam and walked out of the caves._

_Charlie watched her go, her words stinging in his heart. Maybe he wasn't ready for this after all._

_**Later that night**_

_It was cold. The kind of cold that shoots straight to your bones and chills the soul. Even the fire seemed to be radiating with cold air, each spark a prick of ice. He shivered and wrapped his sweatshirt tighter around his body, balling his hands up in fists to stop the familiar shake. It was nights like this that brought back that old yearning. For a quick fix. Anything to stop the pain. Keep out the cold._

_Charlie ran his hands over his face wondering if he was completely daft for even coming out to the beach. He just needed to suck up his wounded pride and go back to the caves. In from the cold. But he knew he wouldn't do that._

_"Charlie?"_

_He looked up. Apparently she would do it for him.  
"Claire."_

_"What are you doing out here?" She pulled her blanket tighter around her body and joined him at the fire._

_" Just thinking."_

_"It's freezing. You should go back to the caves."_

_Charlie saw the shiver run through her body and fought back the urge to bring her closer to him. " I'm fine. Go on back. "He looked around, "Where's Adam?" Then he shook his head, "Sorry, I guess it's none of my business."_

_Claire let out a breath and smiled, "It's okay Charlie. I'm the one that should be sorry. I shouldn't have snapped at you."_

_" No. You had every right to. Adam is your child. Besides, it's better anyway. I'm probably not fit to be around a child."_

_"Why would you say that? You're amazing with Adam. You helped deliver him for gods sake."_

_He shook his head, " Claire. I'm no good. I can't help anyone. I can't even help myself. I'm a frickin heroin addict."_

_Claire's eyes widened for a second and he laughed, " I told you that once. I guess you don't remember."_

_"Charlie…"_

_"No it's okay. I mean I brought it on myself. That's what I was doing when the plane started going down you know. In the bathroom getting a fix. I couldn't even make it through a plane flight. That's how pathetic I am."_

_"You are not pathetic." She grabbed his hand and forced him to look her in the eyes, " When was your last fix?"_

_"About four months ago. But it's lack of option. Who knows what I'd do if presented with the choice. Just now before you came over here I was thinking about how much I need it. How it would make everything so much better."_

_"Charlie. That doesn't matter. What matters is that you've made it this far. You know you can survive without it. And you have a lot of people around here that would be willing to help you out. Including me."_

_He smiled, "Yeah?"_

_"Yeah. Charlie, I didn't snap at you about Adam because I think you're unfit to take care of him. Of all the people on this island, you're the one that I trust the most. I know you would protect Adam. I know you would protect me."_

_"And how do you know that?"_

_"Because you've done it before."_

_They smiled at each other, the memories moving between them. Then Claire blushed and stared down at her hands, "Charlie."_

_"I know Claire."_

_She smiled and looked back up, " There are a lot of thing I need to work through in my own head. I need time."_

_" Well, time is all we've got here. You're in the right place."_

_" But I would also love the help."_

_Charlie smiled widely, "I think we can scrounge up some of that around here too." He stood up and offered her his hand, "Let's head back to the caves. Only a bloody idiot would sit out here in this cold."_

_Claire laughed and stood up, keeping her hand in his for a moment longer than necessary, "Thank you Charlie. For everything."_

_He reached over and adjusted her blanket, "Anytime luv. That's what friends are for."_

_She nodded, "Don't you forget it."_

It was getting darker. The sunlight was almost gone and Charlie suddenly felt a chill run through his veins. Something _was_ wrong. He walked quickly down the beach where Kate stood with Shannon and Sayid.

"Any sign of them?"

Kate shook her head, "None. They've never disappeared like this before. They're always back before dark. Something's wrong."

Sayid ran his hands through his hair, "We can't panic. There has to be a logical explanation."

"Stop being so calm. That's our daughter out there."

"Look guys, I'm sure they're all together. They know those woods. They know how to handle themselves. Sayid's right. We can't worry yet. I'm sure they're going to come out of those trees perfectly fine any minute."

Kate put her hands on her hips, "And then I'm going to kill them."

They saw Jack making his way towards him and they watched his face eagerly for information. He held out his hands, " No news. I talked to everyone I could find. Hurley said he saw the boys at the waterfall earlier. But that was four hours ago."

"Oh my God." Shannon crouched down to the ground with her hand on her forehead. Her breath was coming in short gasps and Sayid bent down to rub her back,

" Calm down Shannon. I am sure that she is fine." His words were flat, as if he couldn't believe them himself.

Charlie stared wordlessly at Kate and Jack. He could see it in their eyes. Something _was_ wrong. He opened his mouth to speak but was interrupted by a crashing groaning sound that echoed down the beach.

Everyone turned immediately towards the trees, which swayed unnaturally in the distance. They waited and then heard it again. The deep roaring rumble filled the air and went straight through the core of their souls.

"Oh my God. It's back."

_Dedicated to the __Memory of __Boone Carlisle_

_Rest in Peace_

( if that's even possible in the world of LOST )

**Author's Note:What did you guys think about thelast episode? I cried. I didn't think I was going to but I did.**

**Sorry for such a short update. I hope it helped to explain some of your questions. Don't worry; the next chapters will be a little more exciting. Please read and review. I'll update soon!**


	8. Things Fall Apart

**Disclaimer: I do not own LOST. Enough said.**

_To all those who have reviewed: Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for all the review. You guys seriously rock. I love you all._

**sugr4sawyr**: Here's some Sawyer for you. I hope you enjoy.

**Chapter 7: Things Fall Apart**

Kate bolted towards the woods with Jack at her heels. He grabbed her arm and pulled her back from the trees.

"Jack those are my children out there!" Her jaw was set and she stared at him through steely eyes, "Let me go."

"Kate, we can't go in there. You know that. It's too…"

"Too what, Jack? I swear to God, if you keep my from trying to get to my children I will kill you."

Jack held on to her arm, "I don't doubt it Kate. And we're going to find them. We are. But you can't go in there."

"Don't tell me what I can't do! Don't tell me to play by your rules."

"Kate, listen to me." He grabbed her other arm and pulled her close, staring her directly in the eyes, " Listen. They're fine. They know how to survive out there. They're fine. You know that."

Kate fought the tears that began to well in her eyes, "There's something out there Jack. We've seen what it can do. How do I know that my children are fine? What I do know is that something is wrong."

"Kate you would know if they weren't okay. You would know what, wouldn't you?"

Kate stared back at him, trying to steady herself. Jack could see the realization in her face and he let of her arms. For a moment she stood in front of him but taking a deep breath she turned and walked down the beach.

Jack let out a breath and noticed the crowd that had gathered. They all looked worried. He tried to smile.

"It'll be okay. We'll wait out the night. At first light we'll start looking for the kids."

" Jack. What the hell is that thing doing back here?"

He turned to Charlie who stood at his side staring towards the woods.

" I don't know. Maybe it never left." He reached out and squeezed Charlie's shoulder, "The boys are going to be fine. They'll all be fine."

Charlie nodded and then turned away in the direction Kate had stalked off.

"We can't just wait here all night."

"Sayid, you know we can't go out there." Jack answered the other man wearily. He knew Sayid's quick temper, knew how far he would go to protect his wife and daughter. " Nadia's fine."

Sayid shook his head, his dark eyes full of fire, " Do not speak to me so calmly about my daughter. You know nothing about being a father."

Jack looked down and swallowed, "I love each of those kids. I would never let anything happen to them. You know that." He turned to where Sun stood over Shannon with Eucalyptus, encouraging her to take deep breaths, "How's Shannon?"

" Her daughter is missing in the woods with some man eating monster. How do you think she is?" Sayid gave him one last piercing glare and then walked back to help his wife.

Jack took a deep breath. He knew this was the right thing. They couldn't go out there. Not like this. Not where that _thing_ was.

But there was no way he was going to let anything happen to those kids. He wouldn't allow it. After all, he had a promise to keep.

_"Well doc, I'm glad to see that this whole island experience hasn't taken the edge off your drive."_

_Jack looked up with an irritated scowl, " Did you need something Sawyer or did you just come by to toss around some more witty banter?"_

_Sawyer cocked his head to one side, "Well, I don't know. I never did think your banter was all that witty. All that doctor lingo and all. An ignorant man from the south like myself often doesn't know what the hell you doctors are talking about."_

_Jack just rolled his eyes and shook his head, turning back to the tee. Sawyer looked and around to make sure that no one was listening and then took a deep breath._

_" I was wondering if you had anything stronger than that stuff you normally give out for headaches."_

_Jack looked up, "You having headaches again?"_

_"Sometimes."_

_"Maybe you just need some new glasses. I could have Sayid make you a new pair." He smirked._

_Sawyer's eyes narrowed, " My glasses are just fine. It's just the headaches."_

_" How often?"_

_"Lately, about once a day."_

_"What kind of pain?"_

_"Now, what the hell kind of question is that? It's pain. The kind that hurts. Damn doctors and their stupid questions."_

_Jack shrugged, "I don't need to help you."_

_Sawyer let out a breath, "Okay, fine. It's sharp pain. At the back of my neck."_

_Jack nodded, "Any other symptoms?"_

_Sawyer looked away for a moment, " I've been losing my balance a lot lately, when I wake up in the morning sometimes I can't feel my hands and I sometimes smell a burning smell that's not really there." He looked back at Jack and gave him a half smile. "So doc, what's the diagnosis? Need to ask me about my past sexual activity?"_

_Closing his eyes, Jack folded his arms across his chest. He ran through the possibilities in his head and every time he came back to the same conclusion. Although he didn't know quite how to put it into words. Looking up he could see that Sawyer already knew the answer. He shook his head at the worry on Jack's face._

_"Well, I didn't peg you as one to show that much concern about me. I'm guessing it's not good. So I'm just gonna turn around and walk away before you spout some medical mumbo jumbo in my direction."_

_Sawyer turned and walked away down the path and Jack watched him disappear. He let out his breath and ran his hands over his face. This was not something he wanted to deal with. There was nothing he could do. Even if he tried, with the lack of medical equipment, there was no way he could fix it._

_Jack flung his golf club to the side and cursed into the wind._

_**Later that night**_

"_This should help with the pain."_

_Sawyer looked up and the package that Jack held out to him. He reached for it and nodded, "Thanks." Bending his head down he sniffed the contents._

_"What is this crap?"_

_" Sun made it." Jack sat down next to Sawyer in the sand and rested his arms on his knees. He looked out in the direction Sawyer was staring and saw Shannon, Kate and Claire running around on the sand with the children. Kate ran up to James from behind and threw the squealing child in the air. She brought him back down and blew a raspberry on the side of his neck. Their laughter drifted down the beach to where Jack and Sawyer sat._

_"I don't want Kate to know."_

_Jack looked over at the other man, "Sawyer, if your symptoms get worse then she's going to figure something's wrong."_

_Sawyer shook his head, " No. She won't find out. I just want to enjoy the next days. As it always was."_

_"You never know how long it's going to be Sawyer. It could be weeks, months…"_

_"Days." Sawyer looked over, " After a certain amount of time you just come to know things. There are things you don't even need a doctor for." _

_Jack nodded._

_" Kate doesn't need to know."_

_" You're just going to let her be shocked?"_

_Sawyer smiled, " I know it's selfish. But that's the kind of guy I am. My life hasn't been all that perfect. I'd like to enjoy the last few days of it. Besides, Kate's strong."_

_"Yes she is."_

_Sawyer laughed and ran his hands through his hair, "I guess it there's one other person on this island who can understand that woman, it'd be you. And I'll have to admit. Back there at the beginning, I was sure she would choose you over me."_

_Jack laughed, "I don't know. I'm not really sure that there was ever even a choice in her mind."_

_The two men sat in silence, both watching Kate playing with her child. Sawyer looked over and saw the way Jack looked at the mother of his child. He sighed and smiled to himself, shaking his head._

_"I guess, I'm gonna need you to make me a promise."_

_Jack looked at his curiously, "And what's that?"_

_" James and Kate. I need you to promise that you'll take care of them."_

_Jack let his chin drop to his chest, "Sawyer…"_

_"No, I'm serious. I want you to make sure that they're okay. That Kate keeps on living. Cause you know, people like us tend to shut the world out sometimes and I don't want her to do that. And I want you to make sure that James…" Sawyer's voice cracked slightly and he took a deep breath, keeping his eyes trained on his laughing son. "I want you to make sure that James know how much his father loved him."_

_Jack nodded silently trying to fight the growing pressure behind his eyes._

_" I think you and I both know about the whole missing father complex. I don't want James to go through that. I need him to know that I always loved him. I guess… I guess we all need that." Sawyer suddenly seemed to lose himself in thought for a moment. Jack almost stood up to leave him alone when Sawyer turned to him with a half smile, " Hey, did I ever tell you about the time that I spent in Australia before the crash?"_

_Jack looked at him with an amused expression on his face, "Well, no. I don't think we've ever really sat down to talk about the past."_

_Sawyer nodded, " I was there for a while actually… looking for someone. It's not really important why. But this one night I ended up in this bar."_

_"I don't really need to hear about your past indiscretions."_

_"Don't worry doc. This isn't that kind of story. Anyways, I was sitting at the bar, drowning my sorrows as we like to say and there was this other man sitting there. We started talking and then he said something that really stuck with me. He said, 'That's why the Red Sox will never win the World Series." _

_Jack's head shot up and he stared at Sawyer in bewilderment._

_" He started talking about how he was a doctor and had gotten into some trouble. He talked a lot about his son. About how his son thought he hated him. But he didn't hate him. He said he was thankful actually. That he had done him a service. Called his son a great man and said he loved him." Sawyer fell silent unable to meet Jack's eyes._

_Jack could feel his whole body shaking as he tried to process Sawyer's words, _

" _You met… When did you… You're just bringing this up now?"_

_Sawyer nodded, "Never really felt like the right time. I guess I didn't get it until now."_

_Jack shook his head, " For three years I've thought…he hated me."_

_"Nah, that wasn't hate I saw in his eyes. Personally, I'd kill to have a father that talked about me like that." Sawyer's voice got quiet and Jack didn't hear his next words, "I guess I actually did."_

_He didn't know what to think. Didn't know how to process it. He wanted to lash out at Sawyer. Yell at him for keeping it from him so long. He wanted to blame Sawyer for those three years of guilt. Instead he turned to him with his jaw set firmly, "James will always know how much you loved him."_

_Sawyer nodded, a smile on his lips, "Thank you Jack." He stood up and Jack stared down at the ground. Then he noticed Sawyer's hand stretched out in front of him. Jack took it and they shook hands, understanding each other for the first time._

_Jack watched Sawyer walk down the beach, grab James and swing him up to sit on his shoulders. Kate smiled at him and said something Jack couldn't hear. Sawyer slung his arm around her shoulder and the three of them walked off together towards their shelter._

_He sat there in silence for a moment until he could take it anymore, a sob escaped his lips and his head fell to his knees. He let the emotion pour out of him, his shoulders shaking with sobs. _

**_One week later_**

_She sat by the fire, her knees pulled up to her chin. Her gazed was focused on the flames and she watched them leaping up towards the sky, licking the burnt wood in attempt to obliterate it. Jack approached her slowly and sat down next to her on the log. Kate didn't look up._

_"James is asleep. Claire's got him with her for the night."_

_She nodded slowly without letting her eyes leave the flames._

_Jack looked around, unsure of what to say, unsure if there was even anything to say._

_"I was always fascinated with fire when I was younger."_

_Jack looked over in surprise as Kate began to speak._

_" I would just sit and stare at the flame of a candle. Completely overcome by the colors and the heat, the way it danced. There was something so soothing to it. I don't really know why."_

_Jack wasn't sure what to say and Kate finally let her eyes pull away from the fire._

_"It was a beautiful service."_

_"It wasn't me. Claire put it all together."_

_Kate nodded and Jack noticed for the first time the piece of paper she held in her fist._

"_What do you have there?_

_Kate looked down at the tattered letter, "Something of Sawyer's."_

_He didn't ask anymore about it._

_"Jack, can I ask you a question?"_

_Jack was shocked at the weakness in her voice, the sound of vulnerability that she often tried to hide._

_"Of course."_

_"Did Sawyer say anything to you? Anything about headaches? Anything to warn you that this might happen?" She looked up at him pleadingly and Jack could see the tears pooling in her deep brown eyes. He wanted to give her all the answers._

_He shook his head, "Nothing. I'm sorry."_

_Kate nodded and they sat there for countless moments until she brushed away the tears that slid slowly down her face. Getting to her knees she reached out and held the letter over the smoking fire. Jack could see her lips moving; either in prayer or talking to someone who couldn't hear her. He didn't know. Then in one quick motion she dropped the letter in the flames. It lay there on top of the burning log, for a moment unharmed, as if the fire had no power over it. And then slowly the edges began to blacken and curl and the paper started to smoke. Together, Jack and Kate watched as the letter slowly disintegrated, turning to smoke that curled quietly into the star filled sky._

"I can't just sit here like this any longer."

Jack flew to his feet as Kate marched by him with resolve in her step.

"Kate. Please don't do this."

"I have to Jack." She looked after him, "Now, you can either go with me or go run around spouting off the rules to someone else. Right now I'm not going to listen."

"I'm going with her."

Jack spun around at the sound of Sayid's voice.

" You guys, please don't do this."

"Those are our children out there." Sayid slid his backpack onto his shoulders and turned to Shannon who stood behind him with a look of fear on her face, " We're going to find Nadia." He placed his hand on her cheek and smiled reassuringly.

Shannon looked back at him with a distressed look on her face. Jack could tell that she was torn between worry for her daughter and concern for her husband.

"Sayid, Kate. This is too dangerous."

"He's right. You can't go out there. It's not going to help anything."

Jack knew that voice. He hadn't heard it in twenty years but he still knew that voice. He turned around slowly and everyone stared in shock at the person who had spoken.

Locke was back.

**Author's Note: Okay, so I've been a bit emotional lately so I kinda cried while writng this chapter. But I guess it's a good thing because the story just came pouring out and I wrote this in about two hours. I hope you enjoy. Please read and review. **


	9. The Truth Hurts

**Disclaimer: I do not own LOST. Never will… **

_**Thank you so much to everyone that has reviewed. I love you guys.**_

**A/N: The story includes everything in the first season up until the point in Deux Ex Machina when Boone gets into the plane. **

**Chapter Eight: The Truth Hurts**

He had aged considerably since they had last seen him. His skin was yellowed and wrinkled and there were dark liver spots showing on his hands and neck. He walked with a cane held tightly in his grip, his back hunched. But he smiled at them. That same smile that seemed to say, "I know something you don't."

They all stared at him in shock until Hurley let out a breath and one simple word, "Dude."

Suddenly, as if yanked to her senses Shannon lunged for Locke screaming, "You killed my brother!" Sayid had to grab her waist and hold her back to keep her from knocking the older man to the ground. She struggled and glared at Locke in rage."

Locke just smiled and made his way over to sit by the fire, " You still haven't figured anything out have you?"

Everyone stared at him incredulously

"What the hell are you talking about? Where did you come from?" Jack fought to make sense of Locke's sudden reappearance. But Kate interrupted him before Locke could answer the questions.

"You said it wasn't going to help to look for the kids. What did you mean by that?"

Locke reached in his bag for a piece of fruit and bit into it before answering,

"You won't find them. The kids. It wouldn't be worth it to waste your time wandering through the woods."

Jack strode toward him, grabbed the fruit out of hands and threw it into the sand. Locke looked up at him with a smile. "Do you know where they are?"

Locke shook his head, "No, I don't."

Shannon struggled away from Sayid and joined Jack, "But you know something. You know why they're haven't come back. That's why you're here."

Locke shrugged and held out his hands, "I think it's clear that you're not ready to hear the truth.

Jack grabbed a fistful of Locke's shirt, "The truth about what?"

"This island. Why we're here. What it all means." Locke stared at Shannon as he spoke and she felt a chill go down her spine.

" There are some people who can't handle the truth. Your brother for instance."

Shannon's eyes sparked and she lunged for him again, this time grabbing him by the throat, "I knew it! You killed my brother! Just to keep your secret safe!"

Jack and Sayid had to work together to pry Shannon off Locke but she continued to scream as Sayid led her further down the beach, "You lunatic! You killed my brother!"

Kate pushed Jack aside and looked Locke in the eyes, "I don't care if you think we can't handle this little secret that you have. But my children are out there and you know something about it. I want answers. Now."

Locke looked at them in silence for a moment, " Maybe it was wrong that I came back here tonight."

Jack shrugged and pointed down the beach where Shannon stood with Sayid, "If you don't want to talk I could always have Shannon come back here and finish you off."

Locke laughed and nodded, "Fine then. But I can't tell you everything. I can't tell you where the children are. I can't answer all your questions. But I can tell you about Boone. And that might explain a few things.

"Fine then. Talk."

_Locke stared down at the smashed statue of Mary. Reaching down he fumbled through the shards, only to find a bag full of heroine. He shook his head in confusion, "I don't understand. I don't understand."_

_Suddenly the plane lurched forward slightly out of the tree. He dropped the bag and stared up in horror, " Boone, Boone. Get out!"_

_Boone didn't answer him. And he looked around wondering if there was anyway he could get up there._

_" Boone, there's no time get out now!"_

_There was still no answer and the plane moved forward again._

_"Boone get out now!"_

_Suddenly Boone's head appeared out through one of the windows. He pushed himself through the small hole and had just managed to grab a branch to hold on to when the plane gave an eerie groaning noise and plummeted to the ground._

_Both Boone and Locke stared at the smashed plane in horror. Boone slowly made his way down and walked over to Locke. His legs shook a little and he sat down with his head in his hands, " Good thing I wasn't still in there."_

_Locke nodded wordlessly and then looked down at the younger man, "What were you doing in there?"_

_Boone shook his head, "The radio. It worked."_

_Locked stared at him a simultaneous feeling of dread and hope washing over him._

_"Were you able to get any one?"_

_Boone nodded and looked perplexed, "That's the weird thing. I did. Someone came over the line asking if anyone was there. I told him that we were the survivors of Flight 815. And then he said… he said 'no, we're the survivors of Flight 815."_

_Locked stared down at Boone, "How is that possible?"_

_"I don't know. Do you think there could be other survivors out there on the island?"_

_"Even if there are, what radio are they using?"_

And hour later 

_"Well, that was a waste of time."_

_Locked looked back, "Why is that?"_

_Boone looked exasperated, "We didn't find anything except a bunch of heroine and now a busted radio." He shrugged, "I don't know. Maybe Sayid can do something with it."_

_Locked turned around, "And how would Sayid know about it?"_

_Boone stared at him like he was crazy, "Because I'm going to tell everyone else about what happened today. They need to know Locke. They need to know that there's a radio and what the voice on the other side said._

_Locke continued walking, "They don't need to know anything Boone. Remember, we're keeping this to ourselves."_

_Boone stopped and shook his head, "No. This is ridiculous. I'm not doing this anymore. Everyone else needs to know what's going on out here." He began to turn back in the direction of the caves, "I'm telling Jack and Sayid. Oh, and don't think about knocking me out and putting anymore of that hallucinogenic crap on my head."_

_Locke watched him walk away, "Boone, you don't know what you're doing."_

_Suddenly a groaning, crashing noise filled the air and the trees began to shake. Boone stopped dead in his tracks and looked around. "What is that?"_

_Locke ran forward and grabbed him. "Run!"_

_Boone followed him as they ran through the trees as fast as they could. What ever it was was right behind them. He could hear it getting closer. Gasping for breath he dodged branches and rocks, feeling a burning in his chest and legs. How much further could he run?_

_They broke into a clearing and Boone fought to keep up with Locke. There had to be some place to hide. He could hear it break through the trees. It was right on top of him. He had to keeping telling himself not to look back._

_Suddenly his foot hit a rut in the ground and he flew forward, landing on his hands. He scrambled to his feet and looked up. It was right there towering above him. Locke was yelling someone but he couldn't hear it. All he could hear were voices swimming through his head, trying to tell him something. And then everything went dark._

Locke stopped talking and watched everyone expectantly. No one said anything as they processed his story. Finally Charlie cleared his throat.

"Well, I guess it's a good thing that I never found out about the heroin." He laughed weakly.

Sayid shook his head, "There was a radio? After all these years on the island thinking there was no hope and you found a radio two months after we got here?"

Jack looked at Locke with his hands folded over his chest. "Why did you disappear? Why not bring Boone back here and explain what happened?"

Locke held up his hands and laughed, "One question at a time." He looked at Sayid, "The radio was busted. It wouldn't have helped anyone. And Jack, I had to leave. It was time for me to leave. You had to start figuring things out on your own. And I see that in twenty years you've still gotten no where."

" But the radio, it could have led us to someone else on this island. If there are others out there then we need to know about it."

Locke shook his head, "There is no one else."

"Then who answered Boone?"

"That I don't know. I don't have all the answers."

"I still don't believe you." Everyone looked up at Shannon who had come back to listen to Locke tell his story, "Something doesn't add up. You said that the monster killed Boone. From what Kate, Jack and Charlie have told us about what happened to the pilot, it doesn't really add up that Boone came back here without a scratch on his body."

Everyone looked back at Locke and he smiled, "Simple answer. There _was_ no pilot."

Kate threw her hands up in the air, "We saw what that thing did to the pilot. We saw him get ripped out of the plane. We saw his body, broken and bloody up in the tree. Are you saying that it was just some figment of our imagination?"

Locke shrugged, "Yes actually I am. When you guys came back with that story I knew that something was wrong. I went back to check it out. The pilot was in the plane. He had been dead for days. And not because a monster ripped him apart."

"So, how did all three of us imagine seeing the same exact thing?"

"Fear. You were afraid to face the truth. You ran from it. Together, your fear created the worse possible image it could. Boone looked up at it and wasn't able to handle the truth. When the monster came after me I faced it. There was nothing left to fear. I was able to see the truth for what it really was. And I still don't have all the answers. But I'm able to make sense of the clues when presented to me. Which is more than any of you have done."

Everyone stared at him as if he were crazy. Charlie balled his hands into fists and tried to calm his frustrations, "You're a bloody loon. How the hell do you expect us to believe anything you say?"

"I don't expect you to." I don't expect you to believe any of this. Not right now. What you need to know is that the truth is out there. And eventually, you're going to have to face it."

Charlie could barely keep the seething rage out of his voice as he spoke, " And what about the children? Where are there?"

"See, that's your real problem. You keep asking all the wrong questions. Where there are doesn't really matter."

Kate brought her hands to her temples and turned to Jack. "I can't listen to this anymore. He's insane. He's spent way too much time in the woods by himself. And he knows where the children are. We have to get him to tell us what he knows."

Jack nodded and reached into his back pocket for something. Everyone gasped as he pulled a gun out and swung it around to point it at Locke.

"We're done playing games here. Now tell us where the children are. Tell us everything you know."

Kate stared at Jack in shock, "You always carry that thing around?"

"I went and got it as soon as we realized the kids were missing."

Locke put his hands up and laughed, "Okay, okay. I'll tell you." He stood up and pulled his bag up off the ground. "But not now. You can't shoot me Jack. You need me. Oh, and don't go out there. Your kids are fine. I can tell you that. But don't go out there." Leaning on his cane he walked away back into the trees. Everyone stared in silence at his retreating figure.

"You should have just shot him Jack."

He let out a sigh and shoved the gun back into this pocket. "He was right though. We need him." He turned back to the group, "And the odd thing is, he makes some sense. I think he's right when he says that the kids are okay."

"So what do we do now?" Charlie questioned him wearily.

" We wait." Jack looked up at the sky, " It will be light in a few hours. The second the sun comes up, we'll go out there."

People nodded and began to drift away. Jack watched as Shannon and Sayid walked slowly down to the shore and Charlie walked with Hurley back to his hut. He turned to Kate who still stood beside him.

"What do you think?"

She shrugged, "I don't know Jack. I think he's insane."

"And?"

"And… there's something about it that seems to make sense. I don't know. I think we realized a long time ago that any thing can happen on this island."

"What about the other things he said, the pilot, Boone, the radio. Do you believe it all?"

"I don't know what to believe anymore. But I have to believe that my kids are okay. Wherever they are."

Wherever they are… 

He couldn't feel his tongue. His entire mouth felt dry and swollen. It felt as if his eyes were permanently sewed shut and he brought his hand up to his face to make sure they were still intact. His arm was heavy. With two fingers he pried open his left eye and tried to look around. Where was he?

Darkness greeted him and he looked up at the night sky, blinking rapidly to clear his vision. He turned his head and saw the faith outline of someone laying a few feet away.

"Hello?" His voice was raspy and his throat ached at the movement. With all his strength he dragged himself over to the form and shook it. "Hello?"

"Oh God, stop doing that." James rolled over onto his back and stared through half open lids at Adam.

"What the hell did you do to me?"

Adam let himself fall back to the ground, "I didn't do anything. Something happened out there… Oh God!" He shot up and winced as a pain shot through his body. Holding one hand to his head he looked around for someone else. Nadia, Jake, Josh… there were nowhere in sight.

" What happened to everyone else?"

Somewhere out there… 

"Where is everyone?"

"How the hell would I know?… Ah geez, are you actually going to cry?"

"I'm not crying."

"I can't believe I got stuck with the baby."

"I'm not a baby! Quit calling me that!"

Hunter rolled his eyes and slowly tried to stand up, squeezing his eyes shut and groaning, "I feel like someone punched me in the head."

"Now who's the baby?" Jake made a face at him from the ground and Hunter sighed.

"Come on. Get up. Let's go find everyone else."

In the meantime…

"Do you even know where you're going?"

"Yes."

"I don't think you know where you're going."

Nadia gritted her teeth and turned around, "Fine then, do _you_ know where we are?"

Josh clamped his mouth shut and Nadia turned back around, "Those two trees over there look familiar."

"That's because we passed them twenty minutes ago."

Nadia ignored the younger boy and kept walking.

"Where do you think everyone else is?"

"I have no idea."

"You don't even know where we are do you?"

"Seriously Josh, my head still hurts. You think you could be quiet for two minutes?"

Josh went silent behind her and she breathed a sigh of relief. The quiet was short lived though as he began whistling through his teeth.

"What are you doing?"

"Just trying to pass the time. I have a feeling we'll be out here for a while."

Nadia bit her tongue and continued walking. She had to find her way back home, back to her family… She had to find out if Adam and James were okay.

"Whoa, careful there."

Nadia let out a little shriek as Josh grabbed her waist and pulled her back. She looked down and her eyes went wide as she realized how close she was from stepping right over the side of a cliff. They both peered down the sheer rock edge, which dropped about thirty feet down to the floor of the woods.

"Thanks." Nadia gulped and took one giant step away.

"Whatever. I knew you were lost and everything but I didn't think you were going to walk us off a cliff."

"Would it kill you to lose the sarcasm?" Nadia turned to walk away but Josh's scream stopped her. She turned around in time to see that the ground under his feet had given way. She lunged for him but it was too late. All she could do was watch helplessly as he disappeared over the edge.

**Author's Note: Okay, so this story had taken on a life of it's own and will probably be a little longer than I anticipated. But I'm having fun so it's all good. I have the next five chapters or so all planned out in my head so now all I have to do is put it all in writing. I'll update as soon as possible. Thanks for reading. Please review!**


	10. To Heal All Wounds

**Disclaimer: I do not own LOST. Never ever will…**

_**Thank you so much to those who have reviewed. You rock. I love you all.**_

Just to answer a few questions, concerns, etc…

**October Sky** – this is kind of my take on the whole island mystery. From what I've seen my guess is that the "monster" is not really as horrible and scary as it seems.

**Solitary Fan** – here's a quick family tree, with ages in parentheses

Sayid and Shannon – Nadia (18)

Claire – Adam (18), Charlie and Claire – Josh (15) Jake (12)

Kate and Sawyer – James (18) Hunter (16)

**One Gurl Stand** – Don't worry, Claire will definitely be included…just wait and see…

**Chapter Nine: To Heal All Wounds**

She could feel him before she saw him, could feel the way his dark eyes watched her so intensely. She shivered and waited as he walked up behind her and encircled his arms around her waist. He rested his chin on her shoulder and she leaned into his body, feeling his warmth.

They stood there like that watching the waves disappear into the darkness and then reappear again in a splash of white foam. The moon was almost full and it hovered there, suspended in the clouds, letting down a silvery stream of light. Shannon felt a sob rise in her chest but she fought it down and tried to speak.

"She's never been away from us before. Since she's been born we've never spent the night without her." She turned in Sayid's arms and he swallowed hard at the pain in her eyes. "She's been my life for the past eighteen years and I don't know if I can survive without her."

Sayid closed his eyes and rested his forehead against his wife's, "Nadia is a strong girl. She knows how to survive this island. We have to believe that she's okay."

Shannon closed her eyes, " I know that. But I'm not sure that I'm okay… Oh god, this is ridiculous." She tried to wipe away the tears that slipped down her cheeks, " I mean if you think about what things would be like if we weren't on this island. If things were actually normal she'd be off in college. Probably far away from home because she's so smart she would have gotten into some ivy league college. Studying engineering or something. She's at that age where I have to start to let go." She laughed, " I'm being ridiculous right?"

Sayid shook his head, "No. Shannon. Because things aren't normal. At least not normal in the way that life was before this island. There's no college for Nadia to go to, no girlfriends for her to spend all her time with. You are right. We've never spent the night away from her. And I don't know how to do this either."

"It's strange though. Back in L.A. I never thought about having children. I thought they were dirty and smelly and nasty. They would mess up my style, the way I wanted to live my life. And now look at me. I can't even life with out my daughter."

Sayid smiled, "I never thought I could be a father."

"I never thought I could be a mother. Until the moment I saw her."

_"Okay, now Shannon push. Push. Okay, you're doing great."_

_Shannon gasped and let her head fall back. Her chest heaved and she bit her lip from the pain. "I can't do this anymore."_

_"Yes you can. You're really close now."_

_"You said that three hours ago."_

_"I was lying then."_

_Shannon tried to laugh but another contraction wracked her body and she gritted her teeth and braced herself. Sayid grasped her hand and tucked a piece of hair, wet from sweat, behind her ear._

_"You can do this Shannon."_

_"No I can't!" She shook her head, "I don't want this. I changed my mind."_

_Jack laughed as he grabbed a towel off his medical cart, " It's a little too late for that now. I can see the head."_

_Shannon choked back a sob and gripped Sayid's hand even tighter._

_"Alright Shannon, one big push."_

_She took a deep breath and pushed, letting out a scream at the pain that shot through her lower body. Oh God, it was never going to end. Nothing had ever felt this horrible. Her whole body was about to explode. She couldn't take it anymore._

_And then a cry filled the tent._

_It was the most beautiful noise she had ever heard._

_"It's a girl. You have a girl."_

_Shannon opened her eyes, almost afraid to look. Jack smiled at her and placed the tiny child in her arms. This tiny little being that had been inside her for so many months, that she had created was looking up at her, depending on her, waving her little arms and trying to open her eyes._

_She ran her finger down the side of her daughter's face and looked up at the two men next to her, "She's perfect."_

_Jack just smiled with a nod and a breath of relief. Sayid caught her eye and she could see the pride there, ready to burst forth. With reluctance she handed him their daughter and watched him look on the little girl with awe. He looked back up._

_"She is very tiny."_

_Shannon laughed and suddenly felt that she could laugh forever watching her daughter and the man that she loved. Watching the former Iraqi soldier gently caressing his daughter's ten tiny fingers. She reached her arms back out and Sayid gently handed her back the baby. He sat next to her as they both watched their daughter, memorizing everything about her, every movement, every blink of the eye._

_Jack watched the family with a small smile, "So, have you come up a name yet?"_

_Shannon looked over at Sayid, "I was thinking about Nadia."_

_Sayid looked back at her with a look of mixed gratefulness and surprise. He nodded, " Nadia Louise."_

_Shannon could feels the tears start again. Louise, her mothers name. "Perfect." _

_Jack left so that they could be alone and Shannon leaned over to kiss Sayid on the cheek, "I love you." It was the first time that she had ever said that to him. The first time she had said it in a long time._

_He turned his head away from Nadia and smiled, "I love you too."_

"The moment I saw her I just felt like everything that came before… it didn't matter anymore. Not the person I was, not the things I did… everything started over. And now… I can't imagine my life without her."

Sayid wrapped his arms even tighter around his wife, " We will find her tomorrow. She may even return before we get a chance to look. Like you said, she is a smart girl. She can take care of herself. And she is not alone."

"That's what I'm afraid of."

Sayid sighed, "You can't still be worried about Adam?"

"I don't trust him. He's different."

"I do not think that's why you're scared of him."

"Really?"

"You're scared because you know that as much as Adam is different, Nadia is different too. Rather than let anyone else find out you'd rather keep the focus on what makes him different."

Shannon pulled away, " That's not true."

" You know it is. You know that there is something special about each of these kids. Whether it is this island or some other force, our children are different."

"Now you sound like Locke."

Sayid shrugged, " The man might be crazy. But let's face it, we don't have any other answers."

"What's there to answer? A plane crashed on an island. We've been stuck here for twenty years. That seems pretty simple to me."

"How about the monster? The mysterious tide changes, the fact that we even survived that crash, never getting rescued, and now a radio transmission that seems to imply that we're not alone on this island? How do you explain all that?" How do you explain the fact that you're even standing here is front of me today?

Shannon just stared at him wordlessly and shook her head, "I can't think about all that. None of it makes sense."

Sayid stepped towards her and ran his hands up and down her arms, " There are a lot of questions Shannon. And sometimes I think that maybe the children could be part of the answer. As scary as that is. But right now, we just need to think about getting our daughter back home."

Shannon nodded but she couldn't get an image out of her head. Something that seemed so real but couldn't have been anymore than a dream. The image of Boone walking toward her, laughing and saying, "It's so simple Shan. I've figured it all out."

**Meanwhile…**

"Noooooo!" Nadia screamed and lunged forward but her hands came up with empty air. Pulling herself to the edge of the cliff she peered over and saw Josh's lifeless form curled up at the bottom. A sob racked her body and she scrambled to her feet, " Oh, God no. Please no."

Running along the edge of the cliff she tried to find some place where she could climb down. The ground sloped slightly and she came to a tree whose branches reached up to the edge of the cliff. She grabbed one and swung herself onto it, making her way from branch to branch until she got to the ground.

Tears streamed down her face as she ran towards Josh's still form. His leg was twisted unnaturally to the left and she gasped when she saw the pool of deep red blood behind his head, " Oh God, Josh."

He wasn't breathing. She bent over him and groped around his neck with one finger to find a pulse, any sign of life. There was nothing.

_"Okay now Shannon. Push."_

_Sayid watched his wife in concern as she tried to push but let out a scream instead._

_"Oh, God Jack. I can't do this. Something's wrong. It wasn't like this last time."_

_Jack wiped the sweat from his forehead with the back of his hand, " Just keep pushing Shannon. One more big push."_

_Shannon let her head fall back, "Oh God."_

_Sayid grabbed her hand and kissed it, " You're doing great. Just keep pushing."_

_Shannon let out another scream as she began pushing again. Her face was contorted as she concentrated on pushing the baby out. And then it was over._

_She gasped for breath and waited to hear the baby's cry. _

_It never came._

_She and Sayid watched as Jack crouched down, working over the baby. Then his shoulders went slack. When he looked back up his eyes said everything. Sayid bit back the urge to punch something and looked tenderly at Shannon. She shook her head._

"_No, Jack. Where's my baby?"_

"_I'm sorry Shannon. I'm sorry."_

"_No. Please…"_

_Sayid rubbed her arm and Jack sat in silence, unable to pull his eyes away from hers. Then suddenly her face went white and her eyes began to droop._

_In a weak voice she managed to get out, "Jack, I think there's something wrong." _

_Her head fell back against the pillow and Sayid's head swung over in Jack's direction, "What's wrong with her?."_

_Jack examined Shannon and felt a familiar fear surge through his body._

"_She's losing a lot of blood."_

_Sayid stood up, "Then do something."_

"_I can try. But Sayid, I don't think…"_

"_No. She will be fine."_

_Shannon's eyes fluttered open, " Sayid?"_

_He bent down and brushed some of the hair off her forehead, "Don't worry. Jack's going to take care of you."_

"_I love you Sayid."_

_He shook his head… "No, Shannon. You will be fine."_

_She just smiled weakly, "Nadia. I want to see Nadia."_

_Sayid didn't say anything but got up and disappeared out the flap of the tent, emerging a few minutes later with the young girl. _

_Shannon smiled and lifted her arm weakly. Nadia ran over and flew into her mother's arms, "Did you have a baby, mommy?"_

"_No sweetheart." Shannon took a sudden gasp of breath and Nadia looked up in concern, "Are you okay?"_

_She suddenly didn't know how to answer that question and turned her head away, trying to stop the tears. Sayid bent down next to his daughter and tried to urge her away but she shook him off._

"_What's wrong with mommy?"_

_Shannon turned her head back to look at her husband and daughter, "I love you both."_

_Her eyes drifted shut and her chest settled as she let out one final gasp of air._

_Sayid suddenly felt like he couldn't breathe and he held tightly to the little girl in his arms._

"_Mommy… mommy, wake up. Uncle Jack, I think mommy's sick."_

_Jack held his hand over his mouth and took a step backward. Nadia looked up at him with big brown eyes and suddenly understood why her father held her so close, why she could feel wetness where he laid his face against her head._

_She shook her curls and shook her mother, "Mommy! Mommy please don't go! Mommy!" Laying her head on her mother's chest she let out a small sob, "Come back. Please come back."_

Nadia bent over Josh's body with her hands on her knees, " Oh God. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry."

With tears dripping down her face she rolled his body over onto his back. He stared up at her through lifeless eyes and a scream tore out of her mouth, "Help! Somebody help us!"

With a trembling hand she closed his eyelids and then let her hand drift down to his heart. Shifting slightly she bent down and rested her head on his chest, letting her tears soak his shirt,

"Please come back Josh. Please come back."

_Jack emerged from the medical tent. He could still hear Nadia screaming behind him. Through rid rimmed eyes he caught sight of Kate standing there with her hands on her hips. He walked over to her, shaking his head. Kate looked to the side and nodded, pursing her lips. He could see the tears that had already started to form in her eyes at the loss of her friend._

_She opened her mouth to say something but was cut off my a sudden shout from Sayid, "Jack! Get in here!"_

_Jack looked at Kate in confusion and they both walked back towards the tent. They weren't prepared for what they saw when they entered. _

_Shannon was looking back at them through blinking eyes._

_Jack stared at her in amazement, "Shannon?" He bent down to examine her and everyone waited. Sayid kept his gaze on Shannon's face and Nadia kept her head buried in her shoulder._

_Jack looked up trying to make out the words, "She's fine. You're absolutely fine."_

_Sayid let out a laugh and hugged his daughter and his wife at the same time. Jack looked up at Kate and shook his head. She looked back at him with wide eyes._

_Shannon cleared her throat, "What happened? I… I had the strangest dream. About Boone… He was trying to tell me something… I can't really remember." She shook her head as if trying to clear the fog. _

_Jack didn't know what to say._

The tears continued to fall over Josh's still chest as Nadia tried to think of how to tell Charlie. How to tell him that his oldest son was dead. And then her head shot up and she stared down in shock.

Josh's chest had moved. No, she had imagined it. Then she saw it again. And this time his eyes fluttered open. He blinked and looked around.

"What happened?"

Nadia couldn't answer him and she just shook her head.

Josh's lifted his arm and ran it over his chest, "Why am I all wet?"

"I don't… I don't… You're okay."

Josh closed his eyes and sat up slowly, "Yeah I'm okay. I'm a little sore."

Nadia's eyes drifted to the pool of blood that was seeping into the dirt and then up to the cliff edge. Josh's followed her gaze upward and then he looked at her in shock.

"Did I fall off?"

She nodded and he looked back up, "How the hell did I survive that?"

**Author's Note: I know that some things are a little confusing right now but I will explain them, I promise. I was going to dive into all the answers but I think I'm going to spend a little bit of time trying to develop the characters a little bit more. Now we know some more about what makes Nadia different. In the next chapter I'll reveal some more about Adam…**

**Please read and review!**


	11. Beyond Imagination

**_Disclaimer: I do not own LOST. Never will. __Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. For all of you who have read and reviewed, you rock. Seriously, you make my day and I love you all._**

_**October Sky:** You are definitely not insane. Unless we both are. _

**Chapter 10: Beyond Imagination**

"You gonna be okay man?"

Charlie nodded, "Yeah, I'll be fine. Go get some sleep. You look like you could use it."

"Me? Dude, you look like crap."

" Thanks Hurley. That's very helpful."

Hurley laughed and shook his head, "Seriously man, if you need me. You know where to find me."

Charlie waved him away and turned to walk into his hut. He stood in the doorway and looked into the dark space. He suddenly didn't feeling like being alone so he grabbed a blanket to spread out on the sand outside.

As he settled onto the ground he found himself watching the rest of the camp. He could see Shannon and Sayid talking quietly down the beach and his heart panged as he watched the way Sayid tried to comfort his wife. Kate and Jack were sitting a few yards away but he couldn't hear what they were saying. He imagined that they had found some way to comfort each other though, as they always did. Walt, Michael and Sun sat around one of the fires and Charlie watched as Hurley joined them, saying something to make them all laugh.

He laid back and stared up at the stars trying to remember the names of the constellations. He couldn't remember. Claire had always been so good at that. She could look up into the sky and point one out, tell the whole story of how it came to be.

"That one's Orion."

Charlie looked over as she sat down to join him.

"That one I actually knew."

"No you didn't."

"Okay, maybe not."

Charlie reached over and grabbed her hand, threaded her fingers through his. She smiled and lay down next to him resting her head on his chest. Charlie kissed the top of her blond head and smiled.

" The kids are missing Claire."

" I know. That's why I'm here."

"I don't know what to do. I promised you I would take care of them and I feel like I've failed."

"You haven't failed Charlie. They're great boys because of you. And they'll be fine."

"How do you know that?"

"I just know."

Charlie sighed and Claire turned around to look up at him, "I miss you Charlie."

"I miss you too." He shook his head, "Most of the time I don't know what to do without you."

"You have the boys."

Charlie nodded, "And now they're missing."

Claire pursed her lips as if thinking. She sat up and looked at him seriously, "I know you don't understand right now. But they have to do this. It's not something that should be stopped."

Charlie sat up, "What does that mean? I don't understand. Locke tells us that we shouldn't look for them; you tell me that they have to do this? Do what? Where are they?"

"You're asking the wrong questions Charlie."

"Then what should I be asking?"

Claire just smiled and shook her head, "Do you remember when we first met?"

Charlie's shoulder's sagged, "How could I forget?" He laid back down and closed his eyes. Claire watched him and then bent over to kiss him on the forehead. Before she pulled away she turned her head and whispered in his ear.

"Blessed are the meek…"

Charlie's eyes shot open, "What does that mean?"

She didn't answer but started to shake his shoulder. She was trying to say something but he couldn't hear it. She continued to shake his shoulders even harder.

"Charlie!"

He blinked twice as Kate's face came into focus. He stared at her in confusion, "Claire?"

Kate looked down at him sadly, " Charlie, wake up. The sun's coming up. We're ready to leave."

"Oh right." Charlie shook his head trying to remember the dream, "Yeah, I'm coming."

Kate walked away looking back at him in concern and Charlie sat with his arms on his knees for a moment. He was trying to remember something. Something Claire had said. It was important…. But now it was gone. He stood up and walked toward the group of people on the beach.

"All right guys. Let's go find our kids."

**Meanwhile…**

" Do you think maybe we could stop and take a break at some point?"

" Is this getting too hard for you?"

"Well, we've been walking all night long, we haven't eaten all day and the sun is getting a little hot. So yeah, as much as I hate to admit it, I'd like a break."

Adam turned around, "Fine then, if you're going to continue to complain then we'll take a break." He sat down and leaned his back against the trunk of a tree.

James rolled his eyes, "You wanted a break just as much as I did."

Adam ignored him, leaned his head back and closed his eyes. A picture of Nadia flashed through his mind and he wondered again where she was or what had happened to her and the other boys.

"You did this you know."

He opened one eye and answered dryly, "Did what exactly?"

"Something you did that got us stranded God knows where in the freaking forest."

"Oh right. This is my fault. I made that light appear in the trees. I created those voices. I whacked you over the head with a log and dragged you into the forest. Just for kicks."

James shrugged, "I wouldn't put it past you."

Adam laughed and shook his head, "You're ridiculous man."

"_I'm_ ridiculous?"

"Yes. You sit there accusing me of something absurd. And just because you're jealous. It's pathetic."

James shot to his feet, "And why the hell would I be jealous of you? You're a freak."

Adam curled his hands into fist, "I swear to God, you better shut your mouth."

"No. Why should I? Everyone knows it. Your dad, Nadia, Jack. Why do you think Shannon won't let you within five feet of her daughter?" Everyone's afraid that you're going to get pissed off and them something weird is going to happen."

"And you're any different?" Adam stood up and faced the other man eye to eye.

James narrowed his eyes, "What are you implying?"

"Oh nothing. Just that I'm not the only one that leaves a trail of weirdness or whatever it is that you call it."

_" Last one to the water's a rotten egg!"_

_"You're on!"_

_"Alright. Ready… set… "_

_"Hey, no fair. James got a head start!"_

_"Go!"_

_The three children ran laughing and screaming down to the waves. Nadia got there first and jumped in with all her clothes on. James and Adam followed her lead and dove into the waves. When Nadia came up out of the water she was laughing. She looked around for the boys but didn't see them. She waited for the next wave to pass but they still didn't come out of the water._

_"Adam? James?" The eight year old began to get worried when suddenly something grabbed her leg and pulled her under. Her small shriek was muffled as she went under the water and when she came back up she was still screaming and spitting water. The boys were standing in front of her, holding their sides and laughing. She stuck her tongue out at them._

_"Stupid boys." She looked out towards the deeper water, "I'm going to go swimming."_

_Adam acted as if her were going to follow her but James stayed behind, "We're not supposed to go out there without a parent." He looked towards the shore, "There's no one watching us."_

_Nadia rolled her eyes, "Who cares? It's not like we don't know how to swim. Besides, if I start to drown I know that one of you two will save me." She put her hand to her forehead and pretended to swoon. _

_James bit his lip, "I don't think it's a good idea."_

_Adam sighed, "Oh come on. You never want to do anything. You're never any fun."_

_"Fine. You go." James turned around and sloshed through the water back towards the beach. Nadia shrugged at Adam and they both began to swim further out._

_James stood on the beach and watched them looking disgruntled. He was just about to go back out and rejoin them when that sudden familiar feeling caught in his throat. And then he saw it. It was just a flash really. But it was there. He turned and ran down the beach looking for the first adult he saw._

_"Charlie!"_

_"Hey buddy. What's up?"_

_James gasped and pointed towards the water, "Adam and Nadia. They're swimming. Something's… something's wrong."_

_Charlie's eyes widened and he ran towards the water. James watched as he swam out to Nadia and Adam and dragged the two kids back to shore._

_"We're fine. I swear." Adam glared at James._

_"You know you guys aren't supposed to be out there alone."_

_"We were just having fun Uncle Charlie." Nadia did her best at giving Charlie her wide-eyed innocent look. Charlie sighed and ruffled her hair, "I know. But you guys gotta be careful okay? No more swimming today."_

_The three kids nodded and Charlie walked away. Adam turned on James, "I can't believe you told on us." _

_"Something was going to happen."_

_"Oh please. You're just scared of the water and you didn't want us to have fun without you. Maybe if you weren't such a baby you could have fun too."_

_Nadia bit her lip, "Come on you guys. Let's not fight. We can go climb that tree Walt was showing us the other day."_

_The boys ignored her and kept glaring at each other, " I am not a baby. I'm just not as stupid as you are. Something would have happened if you stayed out there."_

_"You're always saying that. 'Something's going to happen. Oh, guys I don't know if we should do that. Something's going to happen.' Nothing's going to happen. It's not like you can tell the future or anything."_

_James folded his arms over his chest, "What if I can?"_

_"Well then, you're some kind of freak or something."_

_"I'm not the freak. You are! I've seen some of the things that you've done. It's weird! You're the freak!"_

_Adam's eyes lit up on fire and without even thinking he swung his arm out and punched James square in the gut."_

_"Adam!" Nadia bent down to help James who was doubled over on the ground. She looked up at Adam and he recoiled at the slight look of fear in her eyes. He took a deep breath, stumbled back a little and then turned and ran down the beach. _

_He didn't stop running until he reached the shade of the trees. Bending over and resting his hands on his knees he tried to think, tried to clear his head. But James' word kept running through his head. Freak. Freak. He hated that word. Didn't exactly know what it meant but he hated that word. It made him different. And he didn't want to be different._

_The rage swelled inside him again and his foot connected with the nearest tree. He grimaced in pain and then kicked it again, "I am not a freak." _

_The tears welled up in his eyes and a rob rose in his chest. He began kicking the tree even harder. "I wish it would just go away. I wish it would just go away. I would you would just go away." He didn't know who exactly he was talking to, maybe imagining that the tree was James or one of his little brothers or even just some manifestation of every doubt he had about himself. Whatever it was, he saw it in that three and he continued to pummel it until his foot started to bleed. "I wish you would go away."_

_And then, as if it had been listening, the tree gave one last gasp, waved it's branches and then disintegrated into dust which fell at Adam's feet._

_He stared at the place where the tree once stood, now just an empty whole in the ground, even the roots gone. An intake of breath behind him made him freeze. He was afraid to turn around. Afraid to face the person who had seen what he had done. _

_James watched him with an indescribable expression. The two boys just watched each other for a moment and then James cleared his voice._

"_Nadia wanted to know if you wanted to come tree climbing with us." He shuffled his foot in the ground, unable to look his friend in the eye._

_Adam felt a surge of gratitude, "Yeah sure." He took one last look at the ground and then joined his friend._

_The two boys walked side by side through the forest, one thankful for the silence of friendship and the other thankful to learn that he was not alone._

They hadn't said a word to each other since they had stopped for a break. Just continued to walk through the woods, Adam leading and James following at a distance.

He looked at the back of Adam's head and part of him wanted to say something. He wasn't exactly sure what there was to say though. Or rather, he knew what he could say but wasn't exactly sure how to say it. When they were younger it just would have been understood, the way young boys understand each other. But somehow in ten years something had changed and now they only understood each other as strangers.

Suddenly Adam stopped and looked up.

"You hear that?"

James cocked his head to listen. There _was_ a noise. Some strange whirring noise. It was getting louder by the second.

"It sounds like something's…"

"Falling."

Suddenly a shadow fell over the forest and something massive shot overhead rustling the leaves of the trees. Adam and James both ducked as it passed overhead.

As soon as they thought it was safe they stood up and stared at each other.

"What the hell was that?"

Adam shook his head and was about to open his mouth when there was a large crashing noise in the distance, somewhere to their left. They turned to look when suddenly there was another crashing noise to the right. They stood in silence for a minute waiting to hear something else.

James could feel his heart racing in his chest. He swallowed but it caught in his throat when a woman's scream tore through the air.

"What the hell is going on?"

They turned and sprinted through the trees towards the scream. Adam felt like he was running into certain danger, some unknown. And then he realized something as he ran through the trees. He stopped suddenly and James almost ran into him.

"What are you doing?"

Adam looked around, " Something's wrong."

"Obviously. There's someone screaming out there."

"No, I mean. Something's… different."

James looked around, "I don't know what you mean."

Adam pointed at one of the trees, "I know that tree."

"Personally?"

Adam rolled his eyes and spun around, " We're close to the camp now. Why is there no path?"

"Man, you're probably all turned around. Come on." James started walking again and Adam followed, pausing every once in a while to look at something in confusion. He didn't notice when James stopped abruptly and he plowed right into him.

Adam stopped himself from falling and then noticed what James was looking at. They had reached the beach. The beach, which should have been littered with huts and campfires, people milling around and talking.

But there were no huts. There were no campfires.

There were people though. About fifty or so. Running around in chaos and confusion. There was one young woman just standing there in a pink jacket screaming hysterically. A man in a suit ran around frantically trying to help people. A pregnant girl was on her hands and knees groaning in pain.

And in the middle of it all were the burning remains of commercial jetliner.

**Author's Note:** **Gasp What the heck?**

**Okay, if you're confused, you probably have a right to be. But don't worry. I do have a point here. It all comes together in my own mind. The next update should be up shortly. Please read and review. **


	12. Claire's Interlude

**Disclaimer: I do not own LOST.**

_Thanks for the reviews. I love writing this fic but the support helps a lot._

**Okay, this chapter is just a brief interlude in the story. It was just an idea that I had to add in some different perspectives. And I changed the prologue at the beginning of the fic to work along with this chapter. Enjoy!**

**_Chapter Eleven: Claire's Interlude_**

On September 22, 2004 two hundred and thirty-eight people boarded Oceanic Flight 815 flying from Sydney to Los Angeles. The plane took off four minutes late at 10:04 a.m. Two hours later the plane had disappeared. There had been no emergency transmission from the pilot, no suspicious activity reported. It had simply disappeared.

A massive search and recovery mission was organized. It lasted sixteen weeks. Nothing was ever recovered. There were no bodies, no survivors, no trace of wreckage. After those sixteen weeks the search was called off.

The story didn't end there though. Each family had a story to tell about their lost loved one. There was the rich Los Angeles socialite whose son and stepdaughter were on the plane. She lived up the attention of course, crying on camera with pleas to her precious children to come home.

There was the young man whose ex-girlfriend was on the plane. She had been carrying their child. No one knew why she had been flying so late in her pregnancy.

The older woman whose son was one the plane caught a lot of media attention. Apparently he had been bringing home his father's body for a funeral.

The stories were endless and the media ate them up, splashing pictures of the dead across magazine covers and newspapers. The public couldn't get enough of the mysterious story… Until of course it died out, as all stories do. Pretty soon some beauty queen pop star would be caught smoking pot or a rich socialite would have a "wardrobe malfunction" and the mystery would be forgotten.

Eventually, even the families moved on, declared their loved ones dead and tried to pick up the pieces of a life that still didn't have all the answers.

There were those who still speculated about the story. After all, it was an unsolved mystery. How could a plane just disappear? What happened to all those people? Some said it was the Bermuda Triangle. Others claimed alien abduction. Still others speculated on the fact that there had been a criminal and a former member of the Iraqi guard on the plane. Perhaps it had been foul play? But no one ever really knew, there were no answers. And soon the story faded into myth… into the folklore of history and people began to wonder if it had ever really happened.

But it did… Trust me it did. I was there. I was on that plane. I was one of the survivors. And what happened to us? What's the answer to the unsolved mystery?

You'd never guess.

I never did at least. All I knew was that I was stuck on some island with forty-seven people I didn't know, pregnant, scared and alone. Life had dealt me some pretty hard blows before but nothing could prepare me for this. Nothing could prepare me for monsters and polar bears and psychos who try to take your baby. Nothing could prepare me for losing my memory and watching someone get shot six times in the chest, having to deliver my baby on the beach or trying to start from scratch. Nothing could prepare me for falling in love, having babies, friendships or life in the most unlikely of places.

And nothing could prepare me for death. And the eventual answers that came with death. I didn't want to leave. I didn't want to miss seeing my children grow up. I didn't want to leave behind a husband that would sing softly in my ear when I couldn't sleep at night.

But sometimes we have to do things that we don't want to do… like die.

It was the hardest thing I've ever done. And now that I'm here I understand. I get it now. I see it all. And it's bigger than I ever imagined. The memory of that missing two weeks was returned and I was shocked at what I saw, thankful that I hadn't been able to remember.

They're down there now trying to figure out what I already know. Sometimes I return and lay my head down on my husband's chest and tell him that I miss him. I want to give him all the answers but all I can give are hushed phrases, nonsense really… I want to make him understand, make them all understand that they already have the answers. They can't be afraid of the truth anymore.

And then there are my children. They have the answers too… They _are _the answers. I knew they were special in the way that a mother knows her children are special from the day they are born. But it's more than that. It's something that goes deeper than even a mother's love. Although I've realized now how important _that_ is.

My children are special. More so than I ever could have imagined. Adam was _my _salvation… and now, well…. I suppose that would be giving too much away.

You must wait for the answers. I wait. We all wait. For the whole mystery to be revealed. For everyone to finally understand. And it's funny really. Because the whole thing is so simple. So basic. So elemental. Sometimes the things that are the hardest to understand are also the most glaringly obvious. You just need to continue to search. Ask the right questions.

Have patience. It will come. All you need is a little time.

**Author's Note: Okay, the next update returns to the storyline. The next couple chapters are going to be a little different as they will not include flashbacks. I'm going to try and get the next two chapters up within the next week. So please read and review.**


	13. At the Beginning Again

**Disclaimer: I do not own LOST. Never will. Enough said.**

**Thank you so much for reviewing. Hugs and kisses for all of you!**

**Author's Note: This chapter took me a while because it took a little bit of research in the beginning to the season. You'll see why. I like the way it turned out so I hope you enjoy!**

**Chapter Twelve: Back at the Beginning… Again**

There were no words.

Adam and James watched in silence at the jumble of commotion on the beach in front of them.

"It's…" Adam couldn't get the words out but James nodded.

"Yeah."

They watched wordlessly as the man in the suit ran to help the pregnant girl on the beach. She was on her knees groaning in pain and Jack looked over her in concern. They couldn't hear what anyone was saying but suddenly Adam darted forward through the trees.

James grabbed his arm and yanked him back, "Where the hell are you going?

"That's my mom. She's in trouble."

James sighed in exasperation and dragged Adam further into the forest, "Dude, you can't just go out there."

"Why not? She needs my help."

"Think about it! You're the one she's pregnant with. You can't just go running out there going, 'Mommy, mommy, how can I help?"

Adam threw his hands up and began to pace, "Fine. But what the hell happened? How did we get here?"

James shook his head, "I don't know. I don't know."

"I mean, this is the day of the crash right? Those are our parents out there. Jack and Shannon, your mom… They're younger. But it's them"

"Yeah, I guess. I don't know. Maybe…"

They were cut off by the sound of an explosion and both the boys ran back to see what happened. Peering through the leaves they saw Claire, Jack and Hurley lying on the ground looking stunned. Everyone else continued to run around in confusion.

Suddenly Adam felt someone grab his shoulder. He turned around and saw a young man, just a little older than he was, staring back at him.

"Do you have any pens?"

Adam stared at him in confusion, "What?"

"Do you have any pens?"

He shook his head, "No."

The young man ran off in the other direction.

"Who was that?"

Adam shook his head, "I have no idea."

**A little while later…**

"We just keep hidden."

"Oh, yeah and how long do we do that for? Do we just keep hiding forever?

"I don't know. But if we go out there and start talking to people we could have some serious problems."

"Like what exactly? They don't know us."

James shook his head, "I can think of about a million things that could go wrong. For one, someone could still recognize us. Everyone tells me that I look exactly like my dad. You think it might be a little weird for him if his spitting image is running around this island?"

Adam shrugged and James continued, "And for another thing: we could risk… changing things…"

"How could we do that?"

"Just one simple word… one tiny action could change the course of history… or the future… whatever it is." James looked confused for a moment and shook his head,

"We can't risk changing it."

Adam smiled, "Okay, but think about this… maybe we're supposed to be here. Maybe we were here before and the things we did affected the future or the history as we know it. Maybe we're supposed to change things."

"Do you ever remember in the course of our lives, our parents ever bringing up the fact that they had met us before?"

Adam rubbed his temples, "I can't think about this anymore. It's too confusing."

"Fine. But we can't go out there. We can't talk to anyone. Especially our parents."

Adam nodded in defeat and turned to look through the trees and the group on the beach. The commotion had slowly died down and people were gathered around in small clusters trying to catch their bearings. He watched as Shannon meandered down the beach, looking around in distress. Sayid walked passed her without any acknowledgement. Adam shook his head and turned back around.

"God, that's weird. They don't even know each other."

"What did you expect?"

Adam shrugged, " I don't know. It's just odd. They don't know what's going to happen. They still think they're going to get rescued."

James nodded, "I don't even recognize half the people out there."

Adam looked down at his feet, "That guy. The one with the pens. I saw him talking to Shannon. Must be her brother." He shook his head, " He's going to die in a couple of weeks. The day I was born… or will be born"

James didn't know what to say, "Well, if we're still here you might be able to witness your own birth. Not a lot of people can say that."

"You think we'll be here that long?"

"I have no idea. We could be here to see _my_ birth for all I know."

Adam groaned and ran his hands through his hair, "I really don't want to be stuck here with you for that long.

"You think I'm happy about it?"

They sat in silence and James continued to watch the activity on the beach. Adam leaned his head back and closed his eyes trying not to think about how hungry he was. Or how much his feet hurt. Or where Nadia was. Or how long they were going to be stuck in the past.

"You think our parents are worried about us?"

There was no answer. He opened his eyes and looked up at James who was staring with a frozen expression at the beach.

"What? Is something wrong?"

James just shook his head and Adam stood up to see what he was looking at. His shoulders sagged when he saw the man directly in front of him smoking a cigarette and reading something on a folded piece of paper.

"It's my dad."

Adam let out a breath, "Wow. Everyone was right, you do look like him."

James parted the branches and stepped out onto the sand. Adam grabbed his arm and pulled him back.

"What the hell are you doing?" he hissed.

"Going to talk to him."

"You were the one saying all that crap about how we couldn't go mess up the future or whatever."

"I changed my mind." James tried to go back out by Adam blocked his path.

"You can't."

James clenched his jaw, "Listen, I've never really known my dad. He died when I was four. You think I'm going to give up this chance?"

Adam felt compassion for the younger man but he shook his head, "Look. My mom's out there too. For the past five years all I've wanted to do is just talk to her. But right now is not the best time for that. You were right. We can't just go running around, messing everything up. You _have_ to give up this chance. You have to. You know that."

James closed his eyes and moved backwards. Adam didn't know what to say, "Listen, I…"

"No. you're right. I'm just going to uh… find something to eat." He turned around and headed further into the woods. Adam watched him leave, unsure of what to say.

**Later that night…**

"What the hell was that?"

"You know, I think I've decided that maybe I'd rather be on the beach."

"So, now you say that?"

Adam and James cowered behind the trees as they listened to the crunching, groaning noise of the thing, monster, whatever it was, in the woods. They could hear the concerned murmurs of the people behind them.

"So, maybe at night we could just stay on the beach. Keep ourselves separate."

"Good plan."

**The next morning…**

"So, why do you get to go?"

"Because I'm the one that's the least recognizable."

James snorted and crossed his arms over his chest, "You just want to go talk to your parents."

"I'm not going to talk to my parents. I'm just going to look for some clothes for us to wear so that we can blend in a little more."

"What's wrong with these?"

" Look at us James! We're wearing _their_ rags. We're wearing _their_ things aged twenty years."

"Fine. Go." James sat down, "I'll just wait here."

Adam rolled his eyes and turned around. He looked down the beach where his mom was standing with her feet in the water. All he wanted to do was go over there and hug her. Instead he turned and walked in the other direction.

Several of the survivors were going through a pile of clothes and he joined them without saying anything. He pulled a blue tee shirt from the pile and then looked down at the faded, torn, used-to-be-blue, tee shirt that he was wearing. It was the same one. He shook his head and muttered under his breath. "Weird."

After a few minutes he had managed to find a couple shirts, pairs of pants and two baseball caps to keep their faces somewhat hidden. He gathered his loot and walked back to the hiding spot.

"Alright, I'm back. See, it didn't take that long. I… James?

The other boy was gone.

"Dammit."

**Further down the beach…**

James brushed some of his hair forward so that it hid his eyes. He could see his dad sitting on a piece of the debris from the plane, lighting a cigarette and staring out into the distance. He approached him with a pounding heart.

"Hey man, what's up?"

Sawyer glanced at him with a look of distain, "Is there something I can help you with boy?"

James swallowed hard, "Just trying to find someone to talk to."

Sawyer looked in the other direction and took a puff of his cigarette, "Well, you're just gonna have to find someone else to make small talk with."

"Well, I just…"

"I'm sorry. Did you not hear me? I said, go away."

James nodded and took a step backwards, "Sorry, it didn't mean to bother you."

"Bother me? Now why the hell would you think that you were bothering me? I mean, I'm just sitting here relaxing all peaceful on this tropical island paradise. Sure, I'd love to have some kid come talk to me about…what? Did you want to talk about the trauma you just went through? Well, let me tell you kid, this is nothing… I've got stories that would make your hair curl."

James stared at him in shock. He had heard the stories. Knew his father had a hard edge to him. But he had never expected someone with so much anger.

"Leave him alone."

Sawyer and James both turned to look at the source of the voice. Sayid stood behind them with an amused smile on his face.

Sawyer stood up, "Well now, will you lookee here. Looking out for the kid… Interesting since you're the one that got us into this situation."

The smile faded off Sayid's face, "What did you say?"

"Oh, you heard me. I saw you on that plane. Had my suspicions of course… then when the plane went down there really weren't a lot of questions. I mean, that's what you guys do, isn't it?"

Sayid lunged at Sawyer, knocking him to the ground. James stared in shock as the two men fought on the ground. Michael came running up with Walt on his heels.

"Stop it! Stop it!"

James started walking backwards and then turned and ran back to his hiding spot. He clenched his jaw when he saw Adam standing at the edge of the trees with his arms folded over his chest.

"Don't say anything."

Adam shook his head slightly and surveyed the group that had formed as Sayid and Sawyer continued to fight and spit insults at each other.

"I wasn't going to say a thing."

**Four days later…**

" I don't think I've ever been so bored in my life."

" All they do all day is sit around and stare at each other."

"I don't think they've realized yet exactly how long we're going to be on this island."

Adam and James lay in the sand with their hats over their faces listening to the sounds of the camp.

Letting out a sigh Adam sat up and brushed the sand out of his hair. He set the cap on his head and stared out at the group. Earlier in the morning one of the women had drowned while out swimming in the water. Boone had almost died trying to save her and Jack had been distraught over the event. Earlier he had seen Jack running frantically into the woods.

A quick movement off to the side caught his eye and he saw Boone dart from behind a tree to Jack's tent, which had been set up for medical purposes. A few minutes later he emerged from the tent with something wrapped in a blanket. Looking around to make sure no one saw him he ran back into the cover of the trees.

Adam sighed, "Boone just took the water."

"Oh good… Well, at least there will be something to watch today. Too bad we already know what happens. Hurley sees Jin with the water. Blames Jin. But Jin got the water from my Sawyer. Everyone blames Sawyer. Surprise, it's not Sawyer either. It's the poor little rich kid Boone. Just trying to be the hero again."

Adam snorted, "I'm beginning to wish that our parents hadn't been so detailed in telling is about what went on around here in the beginning days."

"We have a lot of time on our hands. What would we do if we didn't tell stories? Besides, they probably want us to learn from our mistakes. Don't judge people. Don't jump to conclusions. Don't steal water. Blah, blah, blah."

"Yeah, I guess…" Adam suddenly thought of something and jumped to his feet, "I'm going to go walk around."

"Whatever." James yawned and adjusted his hat.

Adam walked down the beach. He could see his mom sitting in the shade fanning herself. He walked passed her though to catch up with Charlie who was headed further down the beach.

" Hey."

Charlie looked up, "Oh, hey." His eyes were slightly bloodshot and he shoved something further down into his pocket.

Adam noticed for the first time that they weren't too far apart in age. It was weird really. This was his father, or at least the man he knew as his father.

" Where are you going?"

Charlie looked away and rocked back and forth on the balls of his feet, "Oh, uh, just… no where." He shrugged.

Adam nodded and then looked back to where Claire was now pulling herself to her feet. He looked back at Charlie.

"You know that girl?"

Charlie shrugged, " No… well, her name's Claire. I helped her with her suitcase." He looked back at Adam and smiled suddenly, " I know… I know why you want to talk to me."

Adam raised his eyebrow, "Huh?"

"It's okay, go ahead, you can ask."

Adam looked around in confusion, "Ask what?"

Charlie threw up his hands, "I get this all the time. Bloody fame, you know. I'm in a band. Driveshaft. You all everybody…" He began to sing the chorus of his song and Adam's eyes widened.

"Umm, actually, that's not why I wanted to talk to you."

Charlie stopped singing, "Oh, yeah… well. But you're heard of us, right?"

"Yeah sure. Look, I don't think Claire's feeling all that well. I think someone should keep an eye on her."

Charlie looked over at Claire, "Yeah? She okay?"

Adam nodded, " Yeah, she probably needs some water or something."

Charlie nodded and smiled, "Water, I can get." He began walking toward Claire and Adam watched as he approached her with a smile. Before she could smile back though her face went white and she dropped to the ground. Charlie ran to her side and began calling her name in concern.

Adam slipped back into the trees and watched as Michael and Charlie carried Claire over to the medical tent. After making sure that everything was okay he walked over to where James still lay on the ground.

"I thought we weren't going to mess with things from now on."

"You saw that?"

"Yeah, I saw it. What was the point though? I thought Charlie was the one that helped her anyway."

"He was walking away. If I hadn't stopped him he wouldn't have been there to help her."

James sat up, "So then what stopped him before… I mean, when this happened before… when we weren't here?"

Adam shrugged, "I don't know. Maybe… maybe we _are_ supposed to be here. I mean, think about it. Sayid and Sawyer got into a fight. That's the way we heard the story. Sayid never told us what started it. Maybe it was some "kid" talking to Sawyer."

"Are you trying to say that we were here before?"

"I don't know."

"Dude, this whole thing is making my head spin."

"I think it's just the sun."

"God. When do they find the water?"

"Tomorrow."

"Thank God."

**Three days later…**

"Hey get up."

"No."

"Get up now."

"You're not my mother. Go away."

Adam clenched his jaw and kicked James lightly in the side.

"Hey!"

"All you've been doing for the past week is sleeping. Now get up."

James scowled and opened his eyes, "And where are we going, mother dearest?"

"I overheard Sayid talking to Kate and Boone. They're going to try and triangulate the signal."

"Triangle whata?"

"Triangulate. They're going to try and get the transceiver to work."

"So what? We already know that it's not going to work."

"No. We don't know that. All we know is that someone hits Sayid over the head _before_ he can get it to work. And we don't know who it is that hits him."

James sat up slowly and looked at Adam questioningly, "And what exactly are you suggesting? That we go and try to solve one of the mysteries of this island? No thanks. Besides I thought we had decided not to meddle anymore."

"We're not going to meddle. We're just going to see who it is that doesn't want Sayid to hear that signal."

James let out a sigh and then pulled himself to his feet. "Why do I get the idea that this isn't going to turn out well?"

**Several hours later…**

"What the hell is he saying?"

"How would I know? I don't speak Arabic."

"You know, I really wish he hadn't taught it to Nadia. Whenever she gets pissed off she starts muttering in that language. I can't understand a word she says."

"I think that's the point… Now, will you shut up? He'll hear us."

Sayid had left Kate and Sawyer earlier and Adam and James were silently following the Iraqi. Every time they made any kind of noise Sayid would whip around and glance about suspiciously. Adam just prayed that he didn't see them. He had heard enough stories about Sayid's past and his quick temper. He wasn't interested in being on the receiving end of that temper.

They finally stopped near the top of the hill. Adam and James stayed hidden and watched as Sayid set up his bottle rocket, looked at his watch, said a prayer and then lit the fuse. It shot off into the sky and Sayid clasped his hands as he waited for the other two rockets to go up.

Adam looked around trying to see if there was anyone around waiting to attack Sayid. He turned to James, "You see anyone?"

James shook his head, "No… I…" He suddenly got a strange look on his face as first one, and then another rocket appeared in the sky.

"Yes. Yes!" Sayid grabbed the transceiver out of his backpack and turned it on. He held it out and waited for a signal, "Where are you?"

Adam looked around, " I don't see anyone. I don't get it."

James suddenly snapped out of his trance, "Dammit." He began looking around on the ground. Adam turned to watch him.

"What? What's wrong?"

James just shook his head and grabbed a large branch off the ground. Adam stared at him in confusion. Then his eyes widened as he realized what James was about to do. He grabbed his arm, "What the hell do you think you're doing?

James just shook him off, "Someone's got to do it."

Adam watched in mixed horror and shock as James darted out of the trees swinging the stick behind him.

Sayid continued to stare at the transceiver as it acquired a signal, " Yes! Where are you? Where are you?" The snap of a twig behind him averted his attention but all he saw was a blur as the branch made contact with his head. Sayid fell to the ground with a thud and James stood above him breathing heavily.

Adam ran out from the trees, "Are you insane?"

James looked around and held out his hands, "No one else was coming." He threw the stick on the ground, " I'm starting to think that maybe we're supposed to meddle."

Adam opened his mouth to say something but was cut off by a crackling of the transceiver. They both looked down at the small instrument and James reached down to grab it. He held it up the same way that Sayid had and waited for the sound again.

Suddenly a voice came over the line, "Hello. Hello. Anybody out there? Mayday, mayday."

Adam and James looked up at each other. James held the transceiver up to his mouth, "Hello!"

Adam rolled his eyes, "Do you even know how that works?

"Shut up. I…"

"Is someone there?"

Adam's eyes widened at the new voice and he grabbed the transceiver away from James, "That was…" He didn't get to finish his sentence as the two voices continued to speak to each other.

"Hello? Hello? Can you hear me?"

"Repeat your transmission please."

"Hello. We're survivors of the crash of Oceanic flight 815, please copy."

"No. _We're_ the survivors of Oceanic flight 815."

Suddenly there was a large crashing noise on one side of the transmission. And then the signal went dead.

Adam and James stared at each other and Adam held the transceiver weakly in his hands.

"Who was that first voice? The one saying mayday?"

James shook his head. "I don't know. But the second voice. I know that voice. It was…"

Adam nodded slowly, "Yeah… It was Josh."

**Author's Note: In the next chapter find out where… or when… Nadia and Josh are and why Adam and James heard Josh's voice on the transceiver talking to Boone. Please read and review.**


	14. At The End of All Things

**Disclaimer: I do not own LOST… never have, never will… only in my dreams…**

_**Wow! You guys put me over 100 reviews. I've never had that happen before… Truthfully, I've never had the patience to stick with a story this long. No worries though, I love writing this… So, thanks you guys!**_

**Chapter Thirteen: At the End of All Things**

"So, explain to me how someone falls thirty feet and walks away with nothing but a headache."

"I don't know."

"It just seems a little strange to me. I mean, you remember when Jin died, right? That guy just slipped on a rock, fell a few feet and bled to death."

Nadia clenched her jaw and continued walking. Josh trotted behind her with a questioning look on his face.

"It just doesn't make sense to me. So, you say I actually fell off the cliff?"

"Yes."

"And then you ran down there and I woke up?"

"Yes."

"And nothing else happened?"

"Like what Josh?"

"I don't know. Like some kind of golden mist or heavenly music."

Nadia raised her eyes and turned around, "Huh?"

Josh shrugged, "I dunno. Hurley told me it happens in movies sometimes."

"Well, that's not what happened."

"Well then, what…"

"I don't know! I don't know what happened. I can't explain it. I've already told you everything I know, everything I saw. So stop asking me!" Nadia turned on her heels and began walking again. Josh clamped his mouth shut and followed her.

They continued to walk for several hours and Nadia tried not to think over the events of the past day and night. She tried not to think about what had happened out there at the bottom of the cliff even though her mind kept replaying the events over and over in her head. She tried to think about something else, anything else.

Her mom and dad had to be worried about her. She had never been gone this long before. The more she thought about it the more her heart ached to be back home. It was a feeling she had never felt before because, well… she had never actually been away from home.

And where were the other boys? Where were Adam and James? What was that light in the forest all about? How did Josh just suddenly come back to life?

Dammit. She cursed herself silently for coming back to it again…

"We must be close to home by now."

Nadia shook herself out of her thought and looked around. Josh was right. They were close. She could hear the faint sound of waves crashing on the shore. Her mind began to relax as she thought of being back home.

And then…

No. This wasn't right. She stopped and let Josh pass her, staring at something. He turned around.

"What?"

Nadia pointed, "Hurley's basketball court. Something's wrong."

Josh looked over toward the small clearing in the forest where Hurley had laid bamboo and leaves to form a hard surface. He had tied the hoop, made from vines, to a high tree branch.

However, the hoop was no longer tied to the branch. It was lying, broken, on the ground. A tree root had emerged in the center of the court splintering the bamboo and tree limbs had almost completely overtaken the area.

Nadia looked at the ruins of the basketball court in confusion, "What do you think happened?" She looked around when no one answered her. Josh had taken off running towards the beach. Letting out a sigh, she turned and followed him.

"Josh, what are you… Oh… my… God."

She and Josh stared in shock at their surroundings, at the home that they knew… or rather, the home that they had once known.

There was an eerie silence even with the sound of the waves in the background. The usual noise, the laughter, the talking… it was all gone. Not a single person remained on the beach. Burnt remains of the huts were scattered around the sand amidst odds and ends, tattered clothes, shoes and tarps.

Nadia felt goose bumps rise on her arms and her heart began to race. Josh ran toward the remains of his hut and began searching through the rubble. Suddenly he stood up with something wooden in his hands. He looked at it for a moment and then looked back at Nadia.

It was part of Charlie's guitar. The guitar that he had strived to keep in working condition for twenty years. The guitar that he had lured all the children to sleep with. He never would have let something happen to it. He never would have just left all of this behind. No one would have.

"Hey Nadia?"

"Yeah…"

"I think something really bad happened."

Perhaps it was the simplicity of the statement. Or the innocence of the words. Or the wide-eyed expression coming from the fifteen year old in front of her. Whatever it was made the tears in Nadia's eyes start rolling down her cheeks. She brought her hand to her mouth and tried to abate the sobs that started to rack her body. Josh just continued to watch her, the broken guitar held loosely in his hands.

Without warning she turned and ran back into the woods as fast as her feet could carry her. From the sounds of snapping twigs behind her she could tell that Josh was following her. But she didn't stop. She didn't know exactly where she was going… all she knew was that she had to get away from that place. She had to find her parents. She had to fix whatever it was that had gone terribly wrong.

Her foot caught on the root of a tree and she went flying forward, landing in a heap in the dirt and leaves. She groaned and turned over so that she was lying on her back. Josh's face appeared over her a moment later.

"You okay?"

She nodded, "Sure."

"Anything broken?

She shook her head and pulled herself into a sitting position. Josh let out a breath of air, "I didn't know you could run that fast."

Nadia tried to laugh but the sound caught in her throat when she realized where she had stopped. It was a large clearing, close to the caves.

The cemetery.

From where she sat she couldn't see the crude crosses that marked the graves. She didn't want to see them. But she found herself getting up anyway. Her legs shook as she tried to stand and Josh gave her his hand to help. Her heart continued to race as if she already knew what she was about to see.

Josh turned and looked with her and they held onto each other when their eyes confirmed what they already seemed to know.

The last time Nadia had been there with her mother there had been about twenty-five graves scattered around the clearing.

There were more now.

A lot more.

They took a tentative step forward and Nadia took a deep breath as she tried to read the markings on the first grave through the tears streaming down her cheeks.

_Jack._

Just one simple name and Nadia feel to her knees. She looked at the grave next to his.

_Kate._

Josh walked further down the row of graves. _Michael… Walt… Hurley… Shannon…_He gasped,"Oh God."

He turned his head sharply back towards Nadia and she looked back at him. The tears had stopped and now she stared at him with a determined expression on her face. Getting to her feet she walked toward him… each step an eternity. Josh grabbed her hand when she reached him and she looked down at the four crosses he stood in front of. One significantly smaller than the other three.

_Shannon… Sayid… Joseph…Nadia._

Nadia clenched her fist and swallowed hard. She turned away, unable to stand looking at her family, lying there under the dirt.

"I don't understand. I don't… I'm not dead. They're not dead. They can't be!"

And then she screamed, pointing her finger in the direction of a figure lying next to one of the graves at the edge of the clearing. Josh looked, feeling his heart begin to race. He pulled away from Nadia and walked toward the figure.

It was a skeleton. The skull stared up at him through empty eye sockets. Josh took a shuddering breath and turned to look at the grave it was lying next to.

_Claire._

He couldn't even speak. He turned away from that empty skull. His entire body shook with the understanding that was beginning to pass through his body. It couldn't be… It couldn't be true. It was all a sick joke… it was a dream… it was…

"It's my dad."

He could hear Nadia behind him as she read the names on the other graves.

"There's yours."

She kneeled down next to him, running her fingers across the cross than bore the name _Adam._

Josh shook his head furiously, unable to tear his eyes away from the remains of his father. "No… No!" He bit down hard on his thumb, trying to assuage the pain, his other hand nervously curling into a fist. There had to be some kind of explanation. Something. Anything.

He suddenly noticed for the first time a piece of wood by his father's side. He reached for it and read the words etched on it. He passed it to Nadia and she read it out loud.

"We were the survivors of Flight 815. At the end of all things."

Josh and Nadia looked at each other. And then both began to cry.

**A Few Hours Later**

"Where are we supposed to go?"

"I don't know."

"What are we supposed to do!"

"I don't know Josh! I don't know! Stop asking me. I don't have any of the answers."

"So we just keep walking through the jungle?"

"What else do we do Josh! I wasn't about to sit in the cemetery and stare at my grave forever."

Josh shrugged his shoulders, "Why not? What the hell else are we going to do?"

"Look. Something weird has happened. I don't know what or how. But none of this is right. Our parents were alive yesterday. They still have to be alive… somewhere."

"Yeah, well maybe yesterday wasn't yesterday."

"What?"

"Maybe we were passed out for longer than we thought. Maybe we disappeared for years and years."

"That doesn't explain why our graves are in that cemetery."

Josh shrugged, "We never came back. They thought we were all dead."

Nadia bit her lip and looked up toward the sky, "If that's true…they must have been so worried. I don't know… how did this happen?"

"Well, I guess it's up to us to figure that out."

Nadia looked at him, "Yeah? You think we can?"

"Look, there's a lot of stuff our parents tried to keep us from. We've never even been around the whole island. Maybe we'll find something. Who knows? Maybe Adam and Hunter and them are out there trying to figure this thing out."

Nadia's eyes brightened slightly, "I hadn't thought about that. You're right. We should find them"

"Then let's do it."

A few hours later

" Where are we supposed to sleep?"

" You're worried about where we're going to sleep?"

"Well, it will be dark soon. It's probably something that we should start thinking about. I mean, I know we can find food and everything. But where are we supposed to sleep?"

Nadia looked around and threw her hands in the air, "I don't know. Maybe we'll find something."

Josh sighed, "We've been walking for what? Five hours? We have yet to find a single thing except… oh look, more trees!"

Nadia glared at him and then turned and continued walking, "I'm glad to see your wit has returned to you."

Josh placed his hand on his heart and nodded emphatically, "Oh, me too. I thought that maybe in my near death experience I had lost my greatest power."

Nadia rolled her eyes. Then she thought of something and bit her lip as she considered telling Josh about what had actually happened at the bottom of the cliff.

"Hey Josh, there's something…"

"Whoa, what is that?"

Nadia looked through the clearing of trees where he pointed. She squinted and tried to place the object before her.

"It's a… ummm…"

Suddenly Josh gasped and raced forward, "I know what that is! It's a plane!"

Nadia walked with uncertain steps towards to remains of the small, yellow passenger plane, "So, that's what a plane looks like?"

"You think it's our parents plane?" Josh circled the wreck looking at it in fascination.

"No, you idiot. Our parents plane was a lot bigger than that."

Josh made a face at her, "Well then, what is this plane from?"

Nadia shrugged and bent to pick something up out of the grass, "What is this?"

" Beats me. There's a lot more of it though."

Nadia wrinkled her nose at the baggie of white powder in her hand, "Why would a plane be carrying white powder?"

Josh didn't answer her as he attempted to crawl through the small opening in the side of the plane.

"What are you doing? Be careful."

"There could be something… Ewwww!"

Nadia ran forward and poked her head into the plane, "What? What is it?"

Josh heaved a sigh and pointed toward the skull in front of him, "More dead bodies."

"You know, I think I've seen enough of those lately."

Josh stepped over the skull and looked towards the instrument panel, "Cool." He began fiddling with the buttons and knobs.

" Do you even know what you're doing?"

"No." He picked up the handset and held it to his mouth, "Hello? Anybody there? Over…. Roger that."

Nadia rolled her eyes, "What the hell are you doing? That thing doesn't even work."

"But it's cool." Josh looked at the radio wistfully, "Too bad it doesn't work. We might be able to get a hold of somebody." He ran his hands over the instrument panel.

Bleep.

Nadia looked up, "What was that?"

Josh looked at the panel strangely, "It sounded like…"

Bleep.

"It was!" Josh looked at the instrument panel excitedly, "It's working!"

Nadia's eyes widened as she stared at the blinking lights on the panel.

And then suddenly the air was filled with soft buzzing. Josh jumped and stared at the handset, "It's making noise."

And then suddenly a voice came over the radio.

"Hello. Hello. Anybody out there? Mayday, mayday."

Josh's hand shook as he tried to remember what Sayid had taught him about radios. Nadia watched him with wide eyes as he tried shouting into the handset. Nothing happened. Then Nadia remembered, "Push that button on the side there, while you talk."

Josh nodded excitedly and pushed the bottom, "Is anybody there?" He waited for a moment and then…

""Hello? Hello? Can you hear me?"

Nadia clasped her hands together at the sound of a voice she had never heard before.

Josh grinned at her and spoke into the receiver again, "Repeat your transmission please."

"Hello. We're survivors of the crash of Oceanic flight 815, please copy."

The smile fell off of Nadia's face and Josh looked up at her in shock. He shook his head, "No. _We're_ the survivors of Oceanic flight 815."

He waited for a moment but there was nothing. The voice did not come back on the line and the soft buzzing was all that could be heard.

Nadia and Josh both jumped as the control panel blinked a couple times and then went out with a descending groan.

"No! No! No!" Josh hit the panel as hard as he could and Nadia flinched behind him. She watched as his shoulders sagged. He turned to her and they locked eyes.

She shook her head, "I guess we're not alone after all."

**Author's Note: I'm going to apologize in advance since it may be a little while before I get the next chapter up. I'm graduating in three weeks (Whoo Hoo! ) and things are a little bit crazy right now. There are probably about ten chapters left. My goal is to try and finish this thing before the season finale (here's hoping). Anyway, thank you so much for reading and reviewing. The next update will come as soon as humanly possible.**


	15. A Present State of Mind

Disclaimer: I do not own LOST. I never have, never will… 

_**Thanks for the reviews people. I love ya!**_

_Oh, and yeah, it is my college graduation and yes, I am freaking out. I'm not looking forward to the real world._

**Chapter Fourteen: A Present State of Mind**

"It's getting dark."

" No, really? You think so?"

"I'm just saying is all. It's getting dark. Everyone always told us never to go out after dark into the woods."

"Yeah well, they also told us not to go missing for an entire day."

Jake shrugged and looked around, "I don't like being out here in the dark."

"Will you quit being such a baby? We're almost there."

" You don't know where we are."

Hunter rolled his eyes and continued walking, "I swear, when I get back to the beach I'm going to kill your brother."

"What does Josh have to do with this?"

"He's the one that left me with you!"

"He didn't leave. There was that bright light and then we woke up and everyone else was gone."

"Yeah well, I'm sure he had something to do with it. Or maybe it was your other brother. I always knew that guys was a little off."

Jake squared his shoulders, "Hey, don't say things like that about Adam."

Hunter shrugged, "Why not? They're true."

"They're not true! You're just a…"

"Just a what? Huh? You gonna fight me?"

Jake stared directly into the older boys eyes for a split second. Then he averted his gaze and stared at the ground. "No."

"I didn't think so."

Suddenly Hunter swung his head around, peering into the darkness of the trees. He held his breath. He had heard something… There… There it was again.

Someone was watching them.

He held his finger to his lips and motioned for Jake to stay quiet. The younger boys looked at him in confusion. Then a distinct rustling sound could be heard in the bushes. Jake's eyes widened.

The two boys watched in trepidation as someone emerged through the leaves. Jake gulped when they came face to face with the stranger.

Hunter looked the old man up and down. He was completely bald, his head covered with scratches and scars. There was one distinct scar running perpendicular across his eye. He was hunched over and watched them with narrow eyes.

Hunter thought he knew everyone on the island. He had grown up with a core group of about twenty other people. He had never actually "met" anyone new."

The stranger spoke first, "Well, you do look like your parents don't you?"

Hunter made a face, "Who are you?" Jake just continued to stare at him with an open mouth.

The stranger laughed and held out his hand, "I guess we've never been introduced, "The name's Locke."

Jake's eyes got even wider and he finally made a noise, "Wow! We though you were dead!"

Locke smiled and nodded, " Well son, I guess I was. At least to your parents." He turned back to Hunter, "Nice reflexes. I thought I was being quiet. It takes a real hunter to hear a noise that soft."

Jake giggled, "That's funny. Because his name _is_ Hunter."

Hunter rolled his eyes and motioned for the younger boy to be quiet. He stared at Locke.

" We can't trust you."

Locke nodded, "I assume that's what your parents would have told you. And you don't have to trust me." He smiled widely, "But I know the way home."

"Cool. Hunter, he can show us how to get back to the beach."

"Shut up, will you?" Hunter hissed under his breath and gave Jake a look.

"Okay then… but I have to tell you, your parents are worried sick about you."

Hunter looked at him, "You talked to our parents?"

Locke nodded, "Last night. They're probably all out looking for you right now."

Jake looked up at Hunter, " Come on. If he can show us how to get back home, why not follow him?"

Hunter clenched his jaw and heaved a sigh, "Fine then. But we're walking behind you."

Locke nodded and began making his way through the trees. Hunter and Jake followed and Hunter had to work to keep Jake from running up and trying to start a conversation with Locke.

They followed him for several miles until they began to hear voices.

" They've got to be around here somewhere. Adam! Josh! Jake!"

Jake's eyes lit up, "Dad!"

"Jake?"

Jake ran forward until he saw his father. Charlie let out a yell and enveloped his son in a hug. Michael was right on his heels with a smile on his face. The moment he saw the boys he turned around and started calling everyone's name to tell them the news. On his knees, Charlie held on to his son as tightly as possible and Jake giggled.

"Where have you guys been?"

Jake shrugged, "I dunno."

Charlie looked at him questioning and then looked at Hunter. He looked around, passing over Locke for the moment.

"Where is everyone else?"

Jake and Hunter both shrugged, "We don't know."

Concern again creased Charlie's brow and he pulled Jake in for another hug. Suddenly Kate frantically rushed through the trees with Jack and Sayid behind her. She saw Hunter and heaved a sigh of relief. She grabbed the boy and planted a kiss on his forehead.

Hunter grimaced and tried to pull away, "Mom! You're embarrassing me."

Kate pulled away and held him at arms length. She narrowed her eyes, "I'm going to kill you."

"Look, this time I swear, it wasn't my fault."

"Somehow, that's doubtful."

"Where is Nadia?"

Everyone turned around and looked at Sayid. Kate turned back to her son questioningly. Hunter shrugged, "We don't know."

"What do you mean you don't know? Weren't you all together?"

"We were… We don't know what happened."

Kate shook her head, "You don't know where your brother is?"

Hunter shrugged, "The last time I saw him he was fighting with Adam."

Kate looked over at Charlie who held his son around the shoulder with one arm. The other hand rubbed over his face. He shook his head. She looked up at Jack who looked equally worried and Sayid who suddenly looked old and tired.

Sayid took a breath and motioned for them to head back to camp, "Alright boys. I want you to tell us everything.

**Night. Back at the camp.**

Kate emerged from the hut biting her lip. She walked toward the group gathered around the fire.

"Hunter's asleep." She sat down next to Jack in the sand and looked at the faces around the circle. Charlie nodded.

"Yeah, I finally got Jake to go to sleep. He kept trying to tell me about the light."

Shannon laughed bitterly, "Well, isn't that great for you guys. The comfort of knowing that your child is safe in bed."

Sayid wrapped his arm around his wife as she stared angrily into the fire. Kate's head fell to her chest.

"We still have kids out there too. This isn't over for us either."

Jack jumped in before Shannon could answer, "Look. This isn't over for any of us. Not while any of the kids are still missing. And that's what we've got to focus on right now. We've got to find a way to get the kids back here."

Hurley nodded emphatically, "I'm with you man. But dude, what's with this light they keep talking about?"

Kate shook her head, "It doesn't make any sense. The whole story. The light. The voices…"

Sayid shrugged, " I know a couple of us can testify to the fact that it is not the first time the whispers have been heard." He looked pointedly at Jack who nodded.

"He's right."

"But it still doesn't make sense. What about the light? What about the other kids? Did they just disappear?"

"You're still asking the wrong questions."

Everyone spun around and stared at Locke as he stood at the edge of the group. He looked back at them pointedly.

Sayid shot to his feet and began to walk angrily toward the other man but Jack stopped him. He held a hand against his chest and looked at him sympathetically, "Why don't we try and listen to him?"

Sayid just scowled and Jack turned back to look at Locke.

"Alright. Then what questions should we be asking? We're listening. Now talk."

Locke looked around the group to make sure that he had their full attention. Then he nodded.

"Boone and I found something."

Shannon glared at him, "What?"

"We found something. Twenty years ago. Back when Ethan kidnapped Claire. We found something."

"And what did you find?"

" A hatch."

Everyone stared at him with blank expressions. Sayid spoke up first, "A hatch? Leading to where exactly?"

Locke shrugged, " That's what we wanted to know. So, for the next couple weeks we went back and attempted to dig it up. Try and open it. Of course, it didn't work. And then Boone died… so I left it for a little while."

Jack looked at him questioningly, "Where exactly is this hatch? We've combed this part of the island pretty well. No one has ever seen anything."

Locke shook his head, "You don't look in the right places. Maybe you weren't supposed to find it."

Shannon let out an exasperated sigh, " I can't believe we're listening to him. He's crazy. He doesn't make any sense."

"What does this have to do with the children Locke?"

" I haven't been back to the hatch since Boone died. But I went last night after I left the camp. I noticed something that I missed before. On the side of the hatch. There are numbers inscribed in the side."

Hurley looked up at him with an odd look on his face, "Numbers?"

Locke pulled out a piece of paper, "I wrote them down." He squinted at the piece of paper, "Oh yes, 4, 8, 15, 16, 23, 42.

Hurley's face went white and he tried to speak but Shannon interrupted him, " 4, 8, 15, 16… Those were the numbers on the hatch?"

Locke nodded and Shannon's swallowed, her breath beginning to catch in her throat.

Everyone was quiet until Hurley began speaking in a quiet voice, " I used those numbers… I… I did this."

Everyone looked at him strangely until Shannon spoke up.

"You used those numbers?" He nodded. Shannon bit her lip and looked up at Sayid, "So did I."

Hurley stared at her in shock and Locke watched the group with a quiet smile.

"What do you mean you used the numbers? How could you…?"

"I used them too."

Everyone swung around to look at Kate. She had tears in her eyes as she stared into the fire. "I've used those numbers before."

Jack looked around in confusion and held up his hands, "Okay, anybody else used those numbers?"

Everyone looked around at each other. Charlie cleared his throat, "What if we haven't used them? What if they just… mean something to us?"

Jack looked at him strangely, "Okay… that too. Anybody else?"

Michael's hand went slowly into the air along with several other people gathered around the fire.

The entire group was quiet as they stared around at each other. Over the years they had come to realize the small connections they held to each other. But this… this was too… weird.

Suddenly Sayid's eyed widened, "Wait a minute. Those were the numbers on Danielle's map. I have seen those numbers before."

Hurley nodded, " She heard those numbers on a transmission. That's how she ended up on the island."

Everyone stared at him and he shrugged, "I know. I know. I should have told you earlier. I didn't think… I mean I thought… I thought this was my fault."

"This wasn't your fault. This wasn't anybody's fault." Locke looked around the stunned group, "Now, listen to me. You've all sat around here trying to make do for twenty years. It's time for you to start looking for some answers. Figure out why you're here. How you got here. Starting tomorrow. I'll take you to the hatch. We'll figure out where your children are and you can finally start living your lives."

He took one last look at them, then turned and walked away leaving them to stare at each other in silence.

**Okay, kinda short update. Next one should be longer. And eventually more questions will be answered. I promise.So please read and review!**


	16. A Deeper Understanding

**Disclaimer:** I do not own LOST

**Author's Note:** I am so sorry that this update has taken so long. Along with graduation there were some other unforeseen family matters that have taken up a lot of my time over the past month. But life has settled down again and I'm back to writing.

I wanted to finish this before the season finale but since we really did not get many answers I think this can still work. Everything is the same up until _Deux Ex Machina. _So for the sake of this fic let's just pretend that everything after that never happened.

Thank you so much for all the reviews. I hope you guys are still reading.

This chapter is a bit uneventful but it does explain a lot about Kate and Jack's relationship. Enjoy!

Chapter Fifteen: A Deeper Understanding 

Kate closed her eyes and felt the water rush over her feet, sinking her further into the sand. She imagined that the island was slowly trying to swallow her whole, sucking her unnoticed through the sand and out of sight. Trying to relax her body, she pictured herself moving through oblivion, through time and space, letting everything fall away. In a flash she saw her life. Her mom and dad. Their funeral. The Marshall. His grave and lifeless body. Sawyer. His laughing, yet hard eyes. The way his hair swept over his forehead. His dimples. The sex. The birth of their son. The funeral. Another little boy who looked even more like his father. Their laughter. Their tears. The time James fell out of a tree and broke his leg. Hunter's tears at a bad dream.

Everything flew through her mind and then careened to a stop as she pictured James walking away from her in anger the day before. That image played over and over again in her mind. Everything else falling away. There was just James, walking away… walking away… walking away…

And then there was Jack.

No. Jack was real. Jack was here. Standing next to her, looking on in concern.

"Kate?"

She turned and looked at him with a half smile on her face, "Jack?"

He smiled at her and looked down at her feet.

"Sinking?"

She nodded, "Yeah, it's a slow process."

He gave her a half smile and cocked his head to the side.

"You want to take a walk?"

She nodded and let out a breath, letting her hand slide into his.

They walked hand in hand down the beach a little ways. Jack peered to the side every once in a while to glance at her face. When he saw a tear trickle out of the corner of her eye he stopped and she looked up at him, quickly trying to brush the tear from her eyes.

"James is going to be okay."

She nodded. "I know that. I do. I feel it." She looked around, "He's somewhere on this island. I would know if something was wrong. But until he's back here with me… I can't…"

Jack nodded and wordlessly pulled her into his arms. She relaxed into his embrace and rested her head against his chest. She could feel his chin rest on the top of her head, his hand running through her hair. Kate marveled at the way his presence made her feel safe. The way his smile calmed her, the way his body felt pressed against hers. She smiled against him as she remembered how thankful she was for her first friend on the island.

_The walk to the caves was long and with each step Kate could feel the dread creeping through her body. _

_It had been two days since Walt had stumbled upon her and Sawyer in the jungle. They hadn't been doing anything particularly inappropriate for the young boy to see and they had jumped apart quickly. But by the time they made their way back to the beach it was apparent by the smirks on several faces that the news had already gotten around. Sawyer just scowled and made his way back to his shelter. Kate looked around and bit her lip wondering if there was anyone who hadn't heard about her activities with Sawyer in the jungle. _

_She froze when she saw Jack talking to Hurley at the edge of the water. He looked toward her and smiled. There was a momentary relief as she thought that maybe Jack hadn't heard yet. She took a deep breath and started walking towards the two men. _

_"Hey guys. What are you plotting now?" She smiled broadly, maybe a bit too broadly and Hurley glanced awkwardly from Kate to Jack._

_"Uh, nothing. Listen I've got to go talk to uh, Sayid."_

_Hurley darted away, "Hey Sayid, wait up!"_

_Jack looked down, "Did you need something Kate?"_

_She bit her lip, "I wanted to talk to you for a minute."_

_Jack shook his head, "Listen, I've got to go check on Shannon. Is this important?"_

_Kate looked up at his and caught the look in his eyes._

_He knew._

_Her shoulders sagged slightly and she shook her head._

_Jack had nodded and walked away without another word. Kate couldn't watch him as he walked down the beach._

_And now. Two days later she was finally making the trek to the caves. She had avoided words and eye contact for two days. She couldn't avoid it anymore. _

_Her fists tightened as she stepped into the shade of the caves. She walked by Claire and Charlie who were making cooing noises at Adam. Jack was leaning against the side of the cave speaking in hushed tones to Sun. When they saw Kate they stopped talking and Jack's jaw line clenched. Sun nodded to Jack and walked past Kate with a hint of a smile on her face. _

_Kate took a step closer to Jack and cocked her head to the side, "You've been avoiding me."_

_Jack snorted, "_I'v_e been avoiding _you_?" He tried to walk away but Kate stopped him with a hand on his chest, "Okay. I've been avoiding you. But I have a good reason."_

_He tried to avoid her eyes but Jack couldn't help letting his gaze catch hers. Her eyes spoke to him plaintively but she didn't speak._

_Jack nodded and removed her hand from his chest, "You don't have to say anything Kate."_

_Kate shook her head, "You're mad at me."_

_"Why would I be mad at you? You didn't do anything wrong." Jack started to walk away and then turned quickly on his heels. He put his hands to his hips and shifted his weight from one foot to the other. _

_"I just… I have to know…"_

_She moved towards him as he looked up._

_"Why him? Of all the men on this island. Why him?"_

_Kate's heart ached at the wrenched look on Jack's face. She couldn't do anything but shrug._

_"I don't know. I don't…I guess Sawyer had it right. We understand each other. We're both hiding things. Hiding _from_ things."_

_"We're all hiding things Kate."_

_"I know. But Sawyer and I, we hide in the same way."_

_"I could try to understand."_

_"I know you could. But you never would. I could tell you everything about my past. And you could never really understand. Just like I could never fully understand you."_

_Jack closed his eyes and let out a small laugh. He swallowed and Kate could tell that he had come to a kind of decision. _

_"He makes you happy?"_

_Now it was Kate's turn to think. Her mind flashed to the way she had slapped Sawyer a few days earlier, the way he made her blood boil in frustration, the way he wouldn't let any issue just rest._

_She nodded, "He makes me feel like I'm not alone."_

_Jack opened his mouth to say something until he realized what she meant. He nodded and gave her a smile._

_"Well then I'm happy for you."_

"I wish I didn't have to go through this alone."

Jack snorted, "You know Sawyer would have gone straight into those woods the minute he heard they were missing. Probably would have shot me in the process."

Kate laughed and pulled away from Jack, wiping her cheeks. Jack smiled and ran his thumb under her eye to catch any other tears.

"He would have gotten himself killed."

"You were about to do the same."

Kate nodded, "I told you we thought alike."

Jack looked away, " Sawyer probably would also have killed Locke by now."

" Jack?"

"Hmmm?" He looked back down at her.

"I don't understand any of this."

"I don't either."

Kate eased herself down to the sand and sat cross legged facing the water, "It brings up every question that we've had for the past twenty years. Why are we here? Why have we never been rescued? What's that thing in the jungle that no one has ever seen?"

"And now the numbers."

Kate dropped her head to her hands. "I hate those numbers."

"You blame a bunch of numbers for us being here?"

"It's not just the island. Those numbers have never represented anything good about my life. My older brother fell out of a tree and broke his neck when I was four. Which pretty much caused my father to spiral into alcoholism and abuse of his wife and daughter until I was fifteen. When he and my mom were killed in a car accident. I committed my first crime at sixteen. The reward for my capture was twenty three thousand dollars. And so on…"

Jack's eyebrows went up, "Okay, all bad numbers. But you didn't necessarily use them."

"They're all important though. We were on flight 815 which left from terminal 23. 42, the number of people left on this island after two years. 16…."

Jack held his hand up, "Okay, I got it. They're important. I'm still not going to blame a bunch of numbers for all my problems."

Kate glanced sideways at him, "You've got to admit that's its odd though."

"Yeah, it is. And on this island, I'm not going to dismiss anything."

They sat silently, each trying to come up with different meanings for the numbers.

Suddenly Kate laughed. Jack watched her curiously.

"4… it was four months after Sawyer died that you kissed me."

Jack smiled, "I already thought of that one. But just to set the record straight, you kissed me."

_"I'm not sleepy."_

_"I think you're sleepier than you realize."_

_"I want to go out and play with Adam some more."_

_"Adam's mommy and daddy are putting him to bed too. Now, come on. Close your eyes."_

_James grumbled to himself but finally closed his eyes. He let out a small breath and muttered something incoherent. Jack waited a few more minutes knowing that the young boy would fall right to sleep. When he saw the steady rise and fall of his chest he leaned forward and brushed a kiss of James' forehead._

_He stood up and stretched his back, bending his head slightly as he walked through the doorway of Kate's hut. He scanned the beach and saw her standing with her bare feet in the water. She stared out towards the darkness and absentmindedly ran her hand over her ever growing stomach. _

_Jack headed toward her. He didn't say anything when he reached her, just took his place at her side and crossed his arms over his chest._

_Kate closed her eyes and smiled slightly, "He asleep?"_

_Jack nodded, "Yeah, it was a fight but he's asleep."_

_Kate turned her head to look back at the camp. _

_"I hope he doesn't have another nightmare tonight."_

_"It would make it three nights in a row."_

_Kate shook her head, "I don't know what to do. He wakes up and all he wants is Sawyer."_

_"He's trying to get over a loss Kate. Sometimes kids don't understand something like death."_

_Kate shrugged, "Sometimes adults don't understand it either."_

_Jack looked over at her at her and nodded slightly, an image of his own father drifting into his mind. He let his eyes glide down to her stomach._

_"How are you feeling?"_

_"Okay. A little queasy. Pretty much the same as last time. A bit more anxious though."_

_"Why's that?"_

_It was a moment before she answered. When she did Jack could hear the strain in her voice. "I have to do it alone this time… With James, Sawyer was so great. He would spend hours trying to calm him when he cried. What if I can't do it by myself?"_

_Jack turned to face her and placed his hand on her shoulder. "Kate, you're not going to have to do anything by yourself. You've got a lot of people here who are going to be helping you out. I think Claire can tell you that there's no such thing on this island as a single parent. We help each other Kate. This kid is going to know a lot of love. And he's going to know that his father would have loved him too."_

_Kate didn't say anything and for a moment Jack thought that he had said something wrong. Then suddenly in an uncharacteristic moment of affection Kate turned and threw her arms around Jack's neck. She pulled him close and buried her face in his neck._

_"Thank you." She whispered._

_Jack swallowed and encircled his arms around her. He closed his eyes._

_"It's true Kate."_

_Without pulling away she shook her head, "No. I mean for everything." She pulled away slightly and looked Jack straight in the eyes. "You're the first friend I had here. You were the first person I knew I could trust. And now you've taken my children under your wings. So thank you."_

_Looking into her eyes Jack could feel himself starting to get lost. Five years and two pregnancies later Kate's eyes had developed a softness. She laughed easier and smiled quicker. And right now she was smiling up at him and he unconsciously pulled her closer._

_Suddenly the smile drifted off her face and her eyes became serious. She bit her lip and swallowed, looking hard into Jack's eyes. She could see the want, the desire, the way he licked his lips in anticipation._

_And then she was moving closer, tilting her head up and Jack was moving to meet her._

_Their lips met and Kate let out a small moan. She ran her hands up to his hair and felt the way he ran his hands over her back._

_The kiss became more desperate, needy, full of pent of frustration._

_And then an image popped into Kate's head and suddenly she couldn't breathe. She cried out in pain and pushed against Jack as hard as she could._

_Jack stumbled back and looked at her in confusion._

_Kate stood there trembling, trying to catch her breath. Trying to get that image out of her head. But she couldn't. And she knew she never would._

_Without warning she began to sob, dropping to her knees in the sand._

_"Oh God Sawyer. Why did you have to leave?"_

_She continued to cry and Jack just watched her. He watched her body heaving with sobs. He heard the way she cried out for her husband. She looked so small and helpless and in that moment he realized that he couldn't understand. He could never understand._

_He bent down and caressed her head as she continued to cry. But he didn't try and stop her. He didn't offer her any comforting words. Because he knew that he wasn't the one that could help her._

"Maybe it was more of a joint effort."

Jack laughed. "It did take two people."

Kate smiled and looked back up towards her shelter. "I'm going to go check on Hunter." She stood up and placed her hand on Jack's head.

"You should get some sleep."

"You should take your own advice."

Kate chuckled, "Jack, I think you know me well enough by now to know that I never take my own advice."

"I guess that's why we get along so well."

Jack watched as Kate trudged back up the beach. He smiled slightly at the memory of kissing her.

In the years past Kate had slowly healed. Her children had done that. As time went on she spent less time crying. She devoted her time to Hunter and James, filling their lives with as much love as possible. Although it was a well known fact that Sawyer's grave was never alone for a long period of time.

Jack had kept his distance in the healing process knowing that it was something a doctor couldn't help with. He helped out with James, delivered Hunter and continued to help Kate raise her two boys. And slowly out of their friendship something new developed.

It was something intimate and more than just friends. Less than lovers. Because they both knew that would there relationship could not go to that place. That kiss on the beach fifteen years earlier had been the one and only. But everyone knew that Kate and Jack were partners. They touched each other intimately. Smiled at each other in a way they didn't smile at anyone else. They migrated to each other when they needed help.

Jack saw the way Kate's face lit up when anyone mentioned Sawyer, the way her expression changed when she thought of him. But it wasn't jealousy that he felt. He had given up wanting Kate like that. Because somehow it didn't matter anymore.

Kate watched the way Jack acted around her boys. Marveled at the way he always found ways to tell them about their father. It was as if he was on a special mission to send a message from Sawyer to his children. She often wondered is something more profound had passed between Sawyer and Jack than either ever let on. But she never asked. It didn't matter anymore.

They were bonded together perhaps in a deeper way than anyone else on the island could comprehend. And while they never truly understood each other they had found a way to become a part of each other.

**Please read and review. I promise that the next update will come much sooner.**


	17. Mothers, Lovers, Friends, Sisters

**Disclaimer: I do not own LOST**

**Author's Note: Again, uneventful chapter. But I love to develop the relationships on the island.**

**Warning: Slight sexual references and innuendos…**

**I dedicate this chapter to all my friends who I am going to miss like hell now that school is over and to the ladies of LOST who rock every Wednesday night. **

**Thanks for the reviews! I'm glad people are still reading after all this time…**

_**Chapter 16: Mothers, Lovers, Sisters, Friends**_

Eve is perhaps the most intriguing character in history and lore. Her consumption of a simple fruit is pinpointed as the reason for all the evil in the world, the Fall of Man. She was tempted by pride and greed and fooled by a serpent with empty promises. She gave the fruit to Adam and all you-know-what broke lose.

If the stories hold true then Eve is in fact the most important person in human history. Again, the most intriguing. And it is a trait that she handed down to the future members of her sex. Women _are_ intriguing…

And willful and stubborn and vivacious. Women are beautiful. They live on their emotions and then try to deny it. Women watch each other with keen, unescaping eyes.

When a woman dresses up nine times out of ten she really dresses up for other women. She seeks the approval of her own sex. She watched warily to make sure other women do not step too far into her life. They can be catty and cruel to each other. When women fight… well, there's nothing nastier…

Which might explain why Shannon and Kate were standing on the beach in the middle of the night screaming irrationally at each other.

"Is he tucked away all safe and sound?"

Kate heard the unreasonable anger in Shannon's voice and rolled her eyes. "Yes." This wasn't a conversation she wanted to have at that moment.

"Well good for you. I guess you can sleep soundly tonight."

"Shannon, I still have a son out there too. I'm not going to be sleeping soundly."

"Well, at least you have one kid. My only daughter is still missing."

"So I'm not allowed to be upset? I've got one kid back so the other doesn't matter? I'm still worried sick!"

Shannon bit her tongue and narrowed her eyes, "You have no idea what I'm feeling right now. My life is out there is the jungle."

"Your life? What about my life? At least you have someone to share this with. You have Sayid. I don't have anyone."

"Oh please, don't play the pity card with me. I'm not going to fall all over myself trying to make you happy like everyone else on this island does."

Kate could feel her face redden, "Why the hell are you taking this out on me? It's not my fault that the kids are missing."

"I just think it's a little strange that only two came back and conveniently can't remember what happened."

"You're blaming Hunter for this!"

"What it I am! He's always been a trouble maker!"

Both women's voices had escalated and neither noticed the stares their direction from people around the camp. Sun came running up the beach and jumped between them.

"This is not the time to be yelling at each other like this," she said quietly.

Shannon folded her arms over her chest in defiance. "She started it."

Kate rolled her eyes, "Oh my God. How old are you?"

Sun let out a breath, "Listen, you're both in pain. Please do not direct your anger at each other."

Shannon and Kate continued to glare at each other and Sun let out a sigh of frustration. She grabbed each of their arms and led them away from the crowd. The three women walked in silence around the cove. In the darkness they found their way to some large rocks set near the trees.

"What are we doing here?"

Sun sat down and directed the other women to do the same. They each sighed and took a seat away from each other.

"I haven't seen you two fight like this in a long time."

"Yeah well, extreme times make you realize why you don't like certain people."

Kate snorted, "I thought extreme times were supposed to bring people together."

Shannon shrugged, "Whatever."

Sun smiled slowly, "Don't you remember the truce that you made? About eighteen years ago? You agreed to be friends. You agreed to help each other out. We stick together. As women."

Kate shook her head, "You know, it's a good thing that we have you around Sun. Always trying to make peace."

"I don't like to see you fight. You are my friends."

She didn't say a word but suddenly Shannon dropped her head to her hands. Through the darkness Sun and Kate could make out her shaking shoulders and the distinct sound of crying.

Breaking down her resolve, Kate's shoulder's sagged and she inched closer to Shannon. Her breath caught as she reached her arm around Shannon's shoulders. When the younger woman laid her head on her shoulder Kate couldn't help the tears the began to fall down her own cheeks.

Sun watched in silence as the two women held each other in the darkness.

_"My back hurts."_

_"Yes, you told me that."_

_"My feet hurt."_

_"It would be good if you went to lie down."_

_"I'm bored."_

_Sayid looked up from his work with a hint of frustration crossing his features, "What do you want me to do?"_

_Shannon stuck out her lower lip, "Fix it."_

_Sayid laughed and stood up to kiss her on the forehead, "Unfortunately there is no cure." He looked down at her stomach and touched her tenderly. A smile touched his lips, "She's kicking."_

_"Yeah, that's annoying too." Shannon narrowed her eyes, "And what makes you think it's a girl?"_

_"She's already got her mother's attitude."_

_"Cute."_

_Sayid kissed her again and sat back down. _

_Shannon watched him for a moment and realized that he wasn't going to do any more for her. She sighed and turned to walk down the beach. Her feet ached so took off her shoes and walked at the edge of the water. She could hear people laughing and talking around the camp and she suddenly felt a surge of loneliness. Sayid didn't mean to ignore her. She knew they couldn't spend everyone moment together. But in the two years that they had been on the island she had yet to make another friend._

_Her walk led her around the cove out of sight of everyone else. At first she didn't notice the other figure that had sought refuge back there. Kate sat with her back against one of the rocks, her legs stretched out in front of her._

_Shannon startled and then turned to leave, "Sorry, I didn't think anyone would be over here."_

_Kate shrugged and waved her back over, "It's okay. Stay. I wouldn't mind the company."_

_Shannon looked down the beach and considered leaving but she recognized the need in Kate's voice. She nodded and joined her in the sand, sitting against the rock in the same fashion._

_They sat there in silence for while each thinking about the irony of the two of them sitting there in understanding with each other. From day one the two women had clashed in everything they did. Neither of them hid the fact that they didn't like each other. And it didn't help matters that Sayid and Sawyer could barely stand to be within two feet of each other. Over the past two years they had basically stayed clear of each other._

_But now as they sat there against that rock something changed._

_After while Kate looked over at Shannon._

_"Your feet hurt?"_

_Shannon nodded and tilted her head toward Kate, "Your back hurt?"_

_"Yup." Kate ran her hand over her stomach, "And God could I kill for a pint of rocky road."_

_Shannon laughed, "No, all I want is something with cinnamon on it. A cinnamon bun, or a graham cracker."_

_"Anything but mango and fish."_

_Shannon made a face, "I could strangle myself for not taking advantage of food when I had the chance."_

_Kate laughed._

_Over the next few weeks Shannon and Kate found themselves meeting often in the same spot. Sometimes they would sit and talk about the foods that they missed, how much their feet hurt or the different irritating quirks of the island. Other times they would sit there in silence just staring out at the water in thought. _

_They never talked about anything of particular importance and they seemed to understand when the other needed the silence._

_One day while they sat there Claire and Sun happened to stumble upon them while out on a walk with Adam. _

_"Is this an exclusive club?"_

_Kate smiled, "Not really. We just needed to get away." _

_Sun smiled, "It is nice to get away from all the men."_

_"We do seem to be slightly out numbered here don't we?"_

_Shannon shrugged, "I don't see why you're complaining. Surrounded by attractive men on a tropical island. Most women wouldn't be complaining."_

_Claire pointed at both Kate and Shannon's stomachs, "Yeah, but look where is gets you."_

_"That is true."_

_Claire and Sun sat down in the sand and Claire set Adam on his shaky feet. The four women watched him walk unsteadily through the sand. Kate shook her head and looked at Claire with admiration._

_"I don't know how you do it."_

_Claire shrugged, "I didn't think I would be able to do it either. But somehow you do it. You just have to."_

_"I never saw myself as a mother."_

_Everyone looked over at Shannon as she spoke._

_"I never liked kids. I never liked being one myself. I never liked my mother much. So I never really saw myself in this position." She looked down and smiled a little bit sadly, "So, I don't really know if I'm going to be good at it."_

_Kate looked over at her, "None of us saw ourselves in this position. I never saw myself as a mother. I never liked my mother much. But I also never saw myself on this island. I never saw the past two years… I guess there are some things in life that you just don't expect. But that doesn't make them bad."_

_"It is a gift."_

_Claire, Shannon and Kate all turned their heads to look at Sun. She did not return their looks and kept her gaze steady on Adam._

_"A baby is a gift. Jin and I…we wanted a child. We wanted…but I couldn't… we couldn't…" Sun finally turned to look at the three other women. "A baby is a gift. Unexpected or not."_

_Shannon ran her hand over her stomach. She could feel the baby kicking. Her daughter. Her gift. _

"I miss Claire."

Kate smiled sadly and nodded in agreement with Shannon. "No one could ever make me laugh like her."

" She would know what to do right now. She would know how to feel. She would pull something out of astrology and somehow it would all make sense."

Sun shook her head, "She would be hurting too right now."

"I know that. But just to have her here would make everything a little less horrible."

Kate looked down at her feet. "Every time we lose someone, the whole island just goes upside down. Nothing seems right anymore."

Sun reached out and held her hand, forced her to look into her eyes, "Which is why it is important that we go through this together. That we stick together. No matter what."

Shannon laughed suddenly, "I had friends. Back in L.A. We would go clubbing together, pick up guys, shopping… I called them my friends. But in a split second I would have turned on them… for a guy, for a piece of gossip. I never actually had friends. I can't image going through the events of this island with them. They wouldn't have supported me." She shrugged, "I wouldn't have supported them."

"I never really had girlfriends," Kate grinned, "No time for that when you're fugitive."

Shannon and Sun smiled. Kate had told them many years ago about her past and the reason that she was on the island. The conversation that had started out between Kate and Shannon as meaningless pregnancy talk had evolved over the years. As Sun had explained the pain of not being able to have a child, Kate had slowly divulged the details of her childhood and life as an outlaw. Claire, Sun and Shannon had listened quietly as she told them about her abusive father and the death of her parents, the way she had gotten sucked into a way of life that had seemed so easy at first.

The women listened and then leaned on each other. Shannon began to explain the details of her relationship with Boone and the way that she had treated him. Claire explained how she had run away from her parents when they disapproved of her boyfriend. In turn to have him leave her when she was five months pregnant.

And slowly the women realized that each had their own problems. None was particularly bigger than the other. And they bonded over the knowledge that others suffered. That they could suffer and heal together.

Not that their conversations were entirely serious.

"_Exactly how good is Sawyer in bed, Kate?  
Kate tore her eyes away from James to gape at Shannon, "Excuse me?"_

_Shannon shrugged and threw her hands up in defense, "What? It's just that when I first saw Sawyer I thought that he was probably pretty damn good in bed."_

_Kate continued to stare at her in shock until Claire piped up, "I don't know. I kinda thought Sayid would be the best."_

_Now it was Shannon's turn to gape, "You thought what?"_

_Claire grinned cheekily, "Oh come on, you know. Rough hands and all."_

_Kate laughed and looked over at Sun who was blushing and looking away. Kate bit her lip and cocked her head, "When then Charlie must be a disappointment."_

"_Ohhhh!" Shannon snorted and Claire narrowed her eyes, "What's that's supposed to mean?"_

"_Nothing. It's just that up against Sawyer or Sayid, Charlie's a little…"_

"_A little what!"_

_Kate shrugged, "A little puny." She grinned._

_Claire glared at her and them smiled smugly, "Well then, I guess it good that it's quality and not quantity that matters."_

_Kate and Shannon laughed and Sun stood up with a bright red face. Claire looked up at her with a sigh._

"_Oh come on Sun… don't you have anything to say about Jin?"_

_It was a well known fact that the two had been attempting to rekindle their broken relationship._

_Suddenly Sun got a sly smile on her face. She smirked slightly at the other women, "With Jin, its quality _and_ quantity." She smiled again and walked away leaving Claire, Shannon and Kate in silent shock._

_**One year later**_

"_Okay, so we've been here for what, four years now? No rescue, no sign to point to the fact that we're still on planet earth in the same dimension. So what do we do?"_

_Shannon turned around in the sand to glance back at Claire, "What do you mean?"_

_Claire shrugged, "I mean that we've started our own civilization." She waved in the direction of the camp where more permanent huts had sprung over the years, "We have a migration pattern for god sake."_

_She was referring to the fact that during most of the year everyone lived on or close to the beach. During monsoon season everyone migrated toward the caves where it was warmer and dryer._

"_We have families and tradition. Nadia, James and Adam, they're growing up in a completely different culture that we used to know. Even if we did get rescued, sometimes I wonder if it would be good for them."_

_Kate squinted into the sun, "What are you getting at?"_

"_I don't know. I just… I just feel like I want Adam to feel something of what we used to know." Claire picked at the sand at her feet._

"_And what exactly is it that you want Adam to know?"_

_Claire smiled and looked a little foolish, "Marriage. I want Adam to understand it. I want him to know what it means to be a family. And I know it's stupid because Charlie and I are happier unmarried than my parents ever were married. But I still can't help but wish that there was some way…"_

_Sun smiled, "There is a way. You said it yourself. It is a completely different culture. We can make it our own. We can make a marriage on this island real."_

_Shannon sat up suddenly, her interest in a good party suddenly peaked, "Yeah, you could have Jack do the ceremony, because lets face it, it makes the most sense for him to do it. You could make a ring with shells or something…"_

_Claire laughed, "I guess the only thing that's missing it the groom to ask me."_

_Kate's eyebrows went up, "Hey, maybe in this culture, the woman asks the man."_

"_Maybe that's true… So you gonna ask Sawyer?"_

"_Yeah, right."_

_Shannon shook her head, "I don't know Kate, I think you should ask him."_

"_Okay, fine." Kate smiled smugly, "But only if you ask Sayid." _

"_I'm not going to ask Sayid to marry me."_

"_Why not?"_

_Shannon glared at the other women, "It would be going against his culture. I don't think women ask men to marry them in Iraq."_

"_Like we said, we're not in Iraq. We're on the island."_

_Shannon didn't say anything as she mulled the idea around in her head of asking Sayid to marry her. Claire and Kate turned to Sun who shook her head, "No, no. I am already married."_

"_Oh, come on. You guys can renew your vows."_

"_I don't think we've come to that, we're still trying to work things out."_

_Shannon rolled her eyes, "Good lord, you've been 'working things out' for the past three years. You do things a little slower in Korea don't you?"_

_Sun was silent but a hint of a smile crossed her face at the thought of remarrying her husband. She and Jin had come a long way since the crash. Maybe, just maybe…_

"_Maybe we're just being silly. I mean there are more important things to be worrying about on this island. Maybe it shouldn't matter so much." Kate shrugged and looked around at the other women._

_But Claire shook her head, "No, I think you were right the first time. If we're stuck on this island we should make the best of it. We can't just sit around and wait for something that may never come. Besides, I love Charlie. If we were off this island we would probably already be married."_

_Shannon looked down sadly, "Yeah, but if we were never on this island, you wouldn't even know Charlie. I wouldn't know Sayid. Because lets face it, a spoiled snob from L.A. and a former Iraqi soldier? They probably wouldn't meet under normal circumstances."_

"_But you did meet." Sun chose her words carefully, "Destiny or fate brought us here to this island. It brought you together. It brought us all together. It is not silly to think about marriage."_

_The other women smiled and together they began making plans for the best wedding possible on a deserted island. And as the weeks went on the four women all found ways to ask their respective partners to marry them. Claire was the boldest, dropping to her knees in front of Charlie after dinner one night. Charlie had appeared slightly embarrassed at first but had eventually beamed brightly and said yes. _

_Kate wasn't sure how to ask Sawyer. She knew he loved her but the word 'marriage' changed the whole dynamic of their relationship. One night after they had put James to bed and were lying in their shelter together Kate had turned to him._

"_So, Charlie and Claire are getting married."_

"_That's the word on the dirt path."_

_Kate shrugged nonchalantly, "I was thinking that we should probably get married too. You know, for James and everything." _

_Sawyer sat up on his elbows and looked down at her, "Are you asking me or telling me that we're getting married?"_

_Kate smiled, "Telling."_

_Sawyer grinned and bent down to kiss her, "Now that's my kind of woman."_

_Shannon had a completely different tactic all together. After news spread of the double wedding she began dropping ever so subtle hints. About how nice it was that the two couples were getting married. How James and Adam were lucky to have their parents care so much about them. If there was one thing that Shannon knew what to do it was how to get a guy to do what you wanted him to do. But Sayid was different. He had no reaction to any of her comments and Shannon was beginning to get a little frustrated._

_One morning, with Nadia cradled in her arms she marched up to Sayid with tears in her eyes._

"_So, do Nadia and I mean nothing to you?"_

_Sayid looked up at her in shock and confusion, "Why would you think that?"_

"_You've been ignoring me."_

"_How have I been doing that?"_

"_I've been dropping hints for weeks now about getting married and you blow them all off. So what, is this just some meaningless fling?"_

_With a slightly irritated scowl Sayid stood up and caressed his wife's face, "You know that you and Nadia matter to me. I do not like to have my feelings second guessed." He smiled suddenly, "And I have noticed the hints. I was just trying to make it a little difficult for you. Wait for you to ask me. Besides…" He reached into his pocket and pulled something out. Shannon gasped quietly when she saw the tiny ring made out of glass, "I was waiting to finish this."_

_Shannon smiled with tears in her eyes, "You want _me_ to ask_ you_?"_

_Sayid shrugged, "Well, we are both very stubborn. One of us has to ask."_

_Shannon grinned and let Sayid slip the ring onto her left hand. He reached out then and ran his hand through Nadia's curls and smiled up at Shannon._

"_So Sayid, will you marry me?"_

_Sun had been afraid to ask Jin if he wanted to renew their wedding vows. Their relationship had changed over the past four years and they had been trying to take it slow. Trying to get to know each other again. But she wasn't sure if Jin would want to be involved in the ceremony. He surprised her though one morning while they were taking a walk through her ever growing garden._

"_Charlie has told me about the wedding ceremony."_

_Sun nodded, "Yes, Jack is marrying them. It should be beautiful."_

"_Jack is not a real priest."_

"_But it will still be real." She reached out and gently slipped her hand into his. He looked away and Sun continued, "I think it will be good. For them to commit themselves to each other. They will still promise trust and love."_

_Jin nodded, "I remember our wedding. You were the most beautiful person I had ever seen." He paused as if trying to think of something to say, "It would be nice to go back to that day."_

_Sun smiled as she realized what he was trying to ask, "We do not have to go back. We can go forward. Renew those vows."_

_Jin nodded, "Yes that would be nice."_

The wedding took place a week later with Jack officiating. They held it on the bluff over looking the water. All four couples looked beautiful, the brides wearing grungy and worn dresses that didn't fit properly and the men, all clean shaven in the cleanest clothes that they could find. Everyone on the island was in attendance as the four very different couples committed themselves to each other.

There was no cake. No florist and no photographer but even Shannon admitted that it was the most beautiful wedding she had ever gone to.

They were happy. As they danced around in the sand to the sounds of Charlie's guitar there were no thoughts of monsters or polar bears. No one thought about their lives before the island. Because in that moment in time it didn't really matter anymore.

But reality set in soon after. Jin died only a month later. Sawyer, five months after him.

Shannon and Claire watched in horror as their friends lost the men they loved, lost the lives that they had worked so hard for. And through it all the four women managed to cling to each other. They guided Kate back from seclusion after losing Sawyer. They helped Sun see the beauty in what she and Jin had shared. They sobbed in grief with Shannon after losing her son in childbirth.

They experienced their lives together and watched their children grow together. Shannon and Kate continued to fight and Sun continued to attempt at peace and Claire always managed to find a way to laugh through it all.

In the fifteenth year on the island everything changed and the laughter was silenced. Shannon, Kate and Sun had been shocked at the death of their friend, unable to comprehend that they would never see Claire's infectious smile again.

But they braved on knowing that Claire would have wanted them to, that it was what women had to do. They took her children under their wings when Charlie disappeared and they slowly learned to laugh again. Shannon and Kate resumed their bickering and Sun continued to make peace.

"Nadia… she's special." Shannon bit her lip and tried to remember what Sayid had said the day before. "She's special."

"All the children are special Shannon."

She shook her head, "No, I mean she's… different." The word almost caught in her throat and it sounded strangled when it came out.

Kate and Sun both looked slightly uncomfortable. It was the one unspoken subject. The one thing that everyone noticed but avoided talking about.

But Kate finally nodded, "She's not that different Shannon."

"Oh yeah!" Shannon stood up and began pacing, "I died Kate. I died and she brought me back. We all know that."

Kate nodded every harder, "Yeah, we know that Shannon, but Nadia is not that different. We all know that too."

Sun looked up, "Claire spoke about it once. About a psychic. He seemed to know that Adam was going to be different."

"She told me too." Kate closed her eyes, "But all the children… things happen when they're around. James… he knew. He knew that something was wrong with Sawyer. He seemed to know the night before. I couldn't understand at the time why he was clinging so tightly to his dad when we put him to bed that night. He seemed so scared that he would never see his father again. He was only three years old. But he knew."

Shannon and Sun responded in silence. They all knew of different events that had happened over the past twenty years. James' uncanny way of knowing when something was going to happen. When it would rain or when a storm was coming in. Or Nadia's apparent ability to heal. The way she would pick up a dead bird only to have it fly off happily only moments later. Or Adam's connection with the island. The way he seemed to be the only one able to control it all. Whenever he was sick as a child the sky would fill with dark rain clouds and pour until he was healthy again. He was always able to find fruit when they went picking. And it was always perfectly ripe. He seemed to always be able to find his way through the jungle. Which was why it was so worrisome when he went missing. Adam had never been lost on the island.

"This island did something to them. To all the children born here."

Sun looked thoughtful for a moment, "I don't know. What about Walt? He wasn't born on the island."

"I don't know. None of it makes any sense."

"Maybe Locke is right. Maybe we've been asking ourselves the wrong questions all this time."

"Oh please!" Shannon threw her hands up in irritation, "What are we supposed to do? Asking questions doesn't get us off this island or make life any easier."

"But think about it. We've been here for twenty years and we've never even been around the entire island. We're too scared to venture far away but it's kept us from figuring out what it is we're scared of. Maybe the answers are out there."

"Well you know what Kate? Some of us aren't interested in finding answers. Some of us just want to survive."

"There's more to life than just surviving."

Sun sighed as the other two women began arguing again, "Right now, maybe we should just worry about bringing the children home. And we have to assume then that whatever makes these children special is helping them survive out there."

Kate sighed wearily, "I know they're out there. And I know that they're okay."

Sun smiled encouragingly, "And they will take care of each other."

They all suddenly remembered the animosity that James and Adam felt for each other.

"I hope you're right."

"Hey ladies?"

They looked up as Charlie rounded the corner.

"Hey Charlie."

"Am I interrupting something?"

"No, is something wrong?"

"It's just that the sun's about to come up and Jack wants Locke to take us to the hatch as soon as possible. You want to come?"

They women looked at each other and nodded. They stood up and brushed the sand off their legs, Shannon muttering something to herself about seeing what it was her brother died for.

The three women followed Charlie back to camp walking side by side in silence.

_**Thanks for reading!**_


	18. Jin's Interlude

_**Disclaimer: I do not own LOST**_

_**Author's Note: Okay, if I knew Korean, I would have written this in Korean. But I don't so let's just pretend that it is…**_

_**Thank you so much for the reviews. You guys make me feel loved. **_

_**Chapter 17: Jin's Interlude**_

On September 22, 2004 I boarded a plane to Los Angeles. I didn't know where I was going.

I didn't know where I was going or what I was doing. I didn't even know who I was. All I did know was that I loved my wife and I wanted to protect her. That is all I have ever known.

When the plane crashed I knew that I wasn't any further from my destination than I had been before. And I still knew that I needed to protect my wife.

I didn't want to know the others on the plane. I didn't want to help them or let them help us. For the first time in my life I needed to learn how to survive without help from anyone else.

Unfortunately, what I learned was that my wife needed to do the same. And in a way, she already had.

When those first English words came out of her mouth, despite the fact that they were in defense of me, my entire world turned upside down. I learned that she didn't need me as much as I needed her. And perhaps the one person in my life that I could depend on was someone I barely even knew.

Or maybe, I just needed to learn how to actually depend on her. To depend on other people. I couldn't do it all on my own.

So, I let her go. I let her go so that we could learn how to survive without each other. I began to help Michael build the raft. I learned to become a part of the new beginning that we had all been given.

Because Jack was right. We all died on that day. The moment that the plane crashed on that island life began again. Everything was new, everything was fresh. We could all begin again.

The life that we knew before the island was no longer important. I dwelled on it for a long time of course, flashing back to that life I had once known. It haunted me. And I wasn't the only one. I learned, slowly, that we were all haunted. And the new beginning only truly started when we were able to let that go. I had to let go. I had to let go of everything that hunted me. Because the truth of the matter with ghosts is that they only haunt us because we let them.

Even if rescue came, the past didn't matter. And maybe even at that point I knew the truth. We would never be rescued. No one was coming for us. We truly were alone. I knew that. Even then.

The beginning began again. Sun and I learned how to survive with each other. Not because of each other. But _with_ each other. It was the only way that I could truly protect her.

It was a long process. To move on and forget the past. I knew that she was still in pain over the fact that we could never have a child of her own. I watched her mother and nurture the other children on the island. I watched her integrate herself into those families. Even though I could never truly let myself be apart of their lives. I always felt a little bit more separate. When it came down to it, I never really learned how to trust anyone other than my wife.

But it gave me comfort to know that she was safe. When my time came, she was safe. And I was okay with it.

My time on the island was short. I didn't even survive five years of my new life. But those five years were more fulfilling than the lifetime I spent in Korea. As someone else. Living for someone else. Barely even surviving.

My wife is okay. And I am okay. We are survivors. All of us. Because it was when that plane crashed that we truly figured out how to live.

**_A/N: Trying to find Jin's voice was really hard. He's the one character I've had the hardest time with. The guy should really get more time on the show. But I hope you guys enjoyed. Thanks for reading! Answers are revealed in the next two chapters! I swear!_**


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